I think I have graduated.....continued [sigh]

 

About 2 weeks ago I wrote about have to go back to where my daughter's father lives cause she was attending a birthday party right next door; a stone throw away. 


This man is ugly (not in looks). He managed to take away a young boy's spirit and alienate me. Except for physical force, he abused all of us mentally, emotionally, verbally and even financially. I just found out his poison began very early in our relationship but I was too dense to see and pregnant. Not that I am making excuses for my lack of clarity almost 7 years ago. 


This is painful. August 19, 2010 was the day I walked out his door with my two children and with the help of my town's woman's shelter, we moved. 


Today my son is gone to a Tae Kwon Do tournament until Saturday night, my daughter is at day-camp, and I am all by myself. Probably a good thing because I have been a bit weepy. I thought when the actual date arrived, marking the whole year of what we did to get here and the pain we endured, I was naive enough to think it wouldn't make me emotional. I thought talking about seeing the ruin of my gardens when I was next door at the party's house was enough, but today, this weekend will be tough.


To make things worse, my cat who was also my familiar died one week later. He was my only friend. Its not hard to believe. He was only 3 when he died. He was very healthy as far as I knew and I couldn't take him to the vet because for the first few weeks, I was afraid to leave my new little low residential town house. He now feeds my only rose bush. We do have a new cat, she is very nice, but not the same. And I know his passing was a must because my daughter's father found him for me and as bad as it sounds, it kind of makes sense, I had to remove as much from that evil man as I could. I just never thought, my friend was part of that. He visits and I can see him at a glance, he comes to me in visions, my kids have both seen him. He will always be a part of our lives.


The three of us were supposed to celebrate our freedom this weekend, but it seems it will have to be postponed. With my son not getting home until probably near midnight tomorrow, and my daughter spends part of the weekend at her dad's, its probably best to wait until we can all do something at the same time. Money is an option also, makes it hard to do something wild and crazy; but we will figure something out that will fit in the financial scheme of things. 
Through all of this pain and healing over the past year, I not only stayed on course of my spiritual and metaphysical path, but I have grown also. Besides my children going back to school in a few weeks, I have a woman's workshop to look forward to, that help abused women get back on their feet with networking and skill building and stuff to get back into working. I am not quite ready to work yet, but I am getting there. Healing myself and my children takes priority. 


Right now I feel like a big baby, that could use a giant hug, but then I would ball even bigger. And you know part of this writing is guided by another. All the words are mine, but I am told sharing this is necessary. I am a very private person, I don't like to burden others. But sharing is not burdening. 


Brightest Blessings to those that stop by,


Julie

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Comment by Julie Miller on August 20, 2011 at 3:43am

not this weekend. But we are thinking of going for ice cream or something like that next weekend. Usually before school starts with go to Suzy's Ice Cream Porium and Albert's fries in Point Edward.

 

I went today and bought myself lychee nuts and had only two. I could have gone today to Calm n Scents, but I will again. I am in the market for a nice Lazurite, but now is not the time. I need to allow these feelings and growth to happen. Meditation and reflection are key this weekend and for the next little while maybe. Coming full circle and closing at the same time is huge. 

 

I have some Goodwill coupons, I will make use of them soon to get me a new skirt, shirt or something when I have more time and not have to worry about getting home. 

 

My thoughts are all over the place today. The Creator is the one who encouraged my discussion and continued it sort of in his message shortly after. Today is quite something, to say the very least. I napped for an hour and feel as if I didn't. 

 

All my left over or stale bread goes to the different birds that frequent my tiny backyard. I have been blessed to have them sit almost next to me and feed their young. I had some Grackles coming by for a bit. My lawn chair broke so now I don't sit out with them. What a time to have a broken lawn chair, when just about all the summer stuff is put away or sold already. Oh well....cie la vie

 

Thank you Candice for the encouraging comment and offer of support. 

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