Tired out, talked out, thought out

So many words. So much to say. My head, these days is fuller than it has been in ages. Thoughts, pop in and out all day long.... iPeace is often in my mind - the people, Gaza, and all the rest. Sometimes it is just too much to think about - and we all know our limits. I remember getting physically sick from following a war. So into it, it got into ME.

I find it is impossible to free my brain to relax: am I being egotistical to want to do so? I feel, maybe I am. But like I say, I know my limits. I know what I have to do and am obliged to get done in "my" life. But then I ask, is my life not also the life of the world and the world's problems also, not mine too?

Full brain. Too full. But then I say, "What, do I want NOT to think? Shouldn't I be thinking and doing for others ALL the time?" We can only do so much, but I ask, is it wrong to only do so much and not try to do more? And all of the above is part of the full brain I am talking about - a circle of never-ending thoughts.....tired out, talked out, thought out....

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Comment by Stephanie on January 20, 2009 at 4:51pm: This is the beauty (one of them) about iPeace. If you need a hand, people are out there with wonderful insight and inspiration. This is a wonderful poem, Daton, I thank you for writing it and sending me the fun photo and your helpful and well-written words. What a special gift to have a poet like you as an iPeace friend.
Stephanie

Comment by Daton O Fullard on January 20, 2009 at 1:01pm: PROFILEANGELS.COM
"A Bouquet of Flowers and a Bath of Diamonds"

Good morning to a Dear Friend..
So many things we do..Often produce
no apparent appreciation of the quiet
gifts..At work constructing the person..
We have come to know as you..

Does this mean that those you love..
Somehow value and appreciate you
less..No it just means that they have..
Become accustomed and addicted..To
all that you do..Which is to give to them
unconditionally..All that which is your
very best..

Some may never think about your own
special needs..Because as a Wife Mom
Daughter Housewife Companion Friend
and Lover..With a too long list of undone
deeds..You truly have spoiled them all..
With your immense passion indeed..

So just a few thoughts I woke up to send
your way..To help place a tiny smile in
your wonderful life today..To let you know
that you never walk alone..Even when you
are near no one..And sitting contemplating
this beautiful life..Filled with so many great
blessings..Yet somehow you think and feel
you are still so alone..

So I decided to run this bath for you only..
Thing was I could not find a picture of you
So I filled the tub with Diamonds and had
to get someone else to strike a pose..As I
prepared these kind moments I bought..I
hope you appreciate the words..The gestures
and of course the very genuine heartfelt
thoughts

PROFILEANGELS.COM
from a friend

Comment by Sabine Theresia on January 20, 2009 at 11:45am: Here are the two quotes I mentioned yesterday:

First, do the necessary, then the possible, and suddenly the impossible happens.
(Francesco di Assisi)

God grant me
the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can and
the wisdom to know the difference.
(unknown author)

For me, the first sentence of the second quote is very important. At first, we have to see exactly, what is NOW. And for being in PEACE with ourselves, we have to ACCEPT the PRESENT MOMENT with all the HISTORY lying behing. That what is is. We cannot change history. Realizing that sometimes can hurt so much. But (a third quote just now came into my mind):

taking good care of the present
we can even transform the past
(Thich Nhat Hanh)

Isn't that wonderful? But I totally agree to Charles, that this does not mean, that we always have to do something for the others. Especially in my 'Christian childhood', my surrounding let me feel, that taking care of the others always is more important than caring about myself. This is totally wrong. Jesus himself said: 'Love your next AS you love yourself.' And how can I love the next, if I don't know how to love myself and how to take care of myself? I really had to re-learn this: to be aware of my body, to hear my deepest voice and to follow it. For me, every single moment is an exercise. And it already has started to flow agein. And it's a wonderful experience to follow this flow more and more. This really lets grow the peace within me and you and us.

Comment by myron joshua on January 20, 2009 at 11:41am: Well, This is one of my more serious attempts..and maybe now i am ready for a few pointers from Dalton.

I like your new Signee: S§teph

Comment by Stephanie on January 20, 2009 at 11:19am: Did YOU dear Myron write that??? If so, become a POET if you are not one already.
Love the image and the words
your friend
S§teph (thinking a bit slower, but still typing too fàst!)

Comment by myron joshua on January 20, 2009 at 11:03am: After sending you a note .."Slow down Steph"...
I looked at the printout of Marcel Duchamp's "The Coffee Grinder"
i have hanging on the wall...that says it all.

..........The human mind..
..........Grinding away...
..........Constantly in a grind...
................... Absorbing its share of beans
..................Turning Crushing

.............................. Bits and bytes
................ Chewing away
.............................. Spewing away
....................Overflowing with the aromatic
.................Stuff..
........................................ Yikes! A frenzy!!!

..........How about a cup of tea??

Comment by Stephanie on January 19, 2009 at 10:34pm: I'm slowly being pulled up to the surface again....I knew that iPeace members would help me out
Thanks
ps great video David....really something, that woman

Comment by Charles Hill on January 19, 2009 at 7:17pm: Dear Stephanie
How to use our time, life's most valuable commodity? First, love thyself, because without it you cannot love others to the extent that is possible. One of my hardest lessons in my life has been when to say "NO!" This is not a sin nor is it always correct behaviour. We make our decisions, like joining this group, to be in our best interests and then our family's, then our world. None of us are perfect, none of us are imperfect.
I have found that when our mind recognizes a loving and interesting cause, it seems natural to participate in it and to give as much as we can (without diminishing ourselves) . I have often felt as you have, that we are not thinking or doing enough. Like you, too much is going through my brain for me to relax. At those times, I wish that I would have continued to practice Tai Chi or Yoga, or even jog around the block. Alas, though my mind is willing, my body is not. So I will walk around the block with my two dogs and I try to push myself to rejoin the groups that have given my mind and body strength and inner peace. Perhaps through participating in iPeace, I will find the reasons and encouragement to do so, like your post and others have done.
I guess that the best reason for being here is sharing our thoughts and dreams and to try to make them manifest in our lives.

Comment by Sabine Theresia on January 19, 2009 at 6:35pm: Dear Stephanie, thank you soo much for sharing your feelings and thoughts. I'm sure, you are not the only one with something like this going on in the brain. Maybe, there is a similar kind of process going on within many of us, after we have joined iPeace:
First, it is a kind of surprise to find such a wonderful world of sharing, likeminded persons, great ideas, projects ... You, Stephanie, very quickly became very present HERE. I've seen your picture and name on many pages (including mine) always showing a lot of compassion, creation and spirit. After some time, we all have to notice, that not everything is so easy going as it appeared in the beginning. There is not always the resonance that we maybe expected. Some ideas can't be realized at all or not in the way we would like it... To that time, when we notice, that not everything is possible, that there are some limits to that what we can do as individuals or as this group, to that time, also the concrete daily life demands us back: family, business, household, stomach, health...
Within the first month being in HERE, there was a kind of fireworks in my brain. All those pictures, words, feelings... When I woke up at night, at 2.00 or 3.00, at once these fireworks startet again, making it impossible to fall asleep again. The chaos in our little apartment has grown from day to day, my daughter (nearly 7) has been watching much more TV (of course only children's channel) than before my time HERE...
My inner peace was shaken, I became nervous by the lack of sleep, I didn't feel so very well in that mess around me...
But now, there is one question, that helps me to do the RIGHT (film added by David is a jewel and this woman as well) decision: What is the MOST IMPORTANT thing to do in the PRESENT MOMENT? And before that question, it's good to take A DEEP BREATH feeling the own body and the DEEPEST VOICE, that is always connected with the present moment and with ALL.
Stephanie, you joined a group. You don't have to solve the problems you would like to solve alone. While you are sleeping in Italy, Paul in Australia is doing a great job in welcoming new members, Majed in Gaza helps the children and grown-ups, Velcrow and Bruce work as think tanks ... And all of them maybe carry some of those SMILE-stories with them while doing their part or the warmth and spirit they found in the personal thoughts and feeling a woman named Stephanie living in Italy has shared.
There are two quotes I would like to add now, but some minutes ago, Kara asked me urgently to tidy up the living-room. Doing that (together with her) really is the most important thing now. But those quotes, that help me to get the RIGHT decision, will follow.
Thank you so much, Stephanie, for sharing exactly that, what concerns very many of us. : )

Comment by Stephanie on January 19, 2009 at 6:22pm: just wanted to say thanks to two of my best friends on iPeace
have to see the rest of the video David....and thanks Daton my poet friend
Steph