Surviving a Brutal Divorce - iPeace.us2024-03-29T09:13:17Zhttps://ipeace.us/forum/topics/surviving-a-brutal-divorce?groupUrl=peacebeginsathome&commentId=2217368%3AComment%3A1374510&x=1&feed=yes&xn_auth=noRobby this is very exciting n…tag:ipeace.us,2009-03-20:2217368:Comment:13745102009-03-20T12:16:52.274Zsusan chandelhttps://ipeace.us/profile/susanchandel
Robby this is very exciting news. I am so happy for you.
Robby this is very exciting news. I am so happy for you. Hi Susan, oh how I agree with…tag:ipeace.us,2009-03-13:2217368:Comment:13446902009-03-13T09:02:47.050ZColette Morganhttps://ipeace.us/profile/ColetteMorgan
Hi Susan, oh how I agree with you. At the helpline, men ring saying they are abused, when in fact they are an abuser, looking to continue to abuse their partner. There is a dedicated helpline for abused men and they too find that a percentage of callers are abusers. Its all to easy to blame the woman, rather than look at the abusers behaviour and place the responsibility where it lies, at the door of the abuser. We are still pushing for a violence against women strategy, it is the only way…
Hi Susan, oh how I agree with you. At the helpline, men ring saying they are abused, when in fact they are an abuser, looking to continue to abuse their partner. There is a dedicated helpline for abused men and they too find that a percentage of callers are abusers. Its all to easy to blame the woman, rather than look at the abusers behaviour and place the responsibility where it lies, at the door of the abuser. We are still pushing for a violence against women strategy, it is the only way forward. Despite the support and the strategy, the development of standards, training, all too often the focus is shifted from women to 'victims', which is a non gendered way of developing services, again open to abuse for the abuser to continue! Why can't they see it?<br />
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Love & hugs xx It is good to know what kind…tag:ipeace.us,2009-03-08:2217368:Comment:13212562009-03-08T17:10:44.202Zsusan chandelhttps://ipeace.us/profile/susanchandel
It is good to know what kind of strategy works in your area, Collette. Some times this gender free domestic violence policy can be tricky especially if both you and your abuser try to get help from the same organization... which is often the only option. I do not doubt that men get abused sometimes. They really do, but when the system is open to men and women and men use it, I have found from my experience it is often a batterer who is using it. I hate to sound unfair, but that is what I have…
It is good to know what kind of strategy works in your area, Collette. Some times this gender free domestic violence policy can be tricky especially if both you and your abuser try to get help from the same organization... which is often the only option. I do not doubt that men get abused sometimes. They really do, but when the system is open to men and women and men use it, I have found from my experience it is often a batterer who is using it. I hate to sound unfair, but that is what I have seen. Dual restraining orders are really ugly and cops are all to quick to throw a woman in jail. It is unfortunate for those men who do get abused. Thank you so much for your co…tag:ipeace.us,2009-03-08:2217368:Comment:13200322009-03-08T14:26:50.333ZColette Morganhttps://ipeace.us/profile/ColetteMorgan
Thank you so much for your contribution, it is important to have positive support. Here in Wales, we still have outmoded attitudes to women and children, to domestic abuse and the status of women. Myths and stereotypes still play an enormous role, people believe that if a woman is experiencing or has experienced domestic abuse, that it is somehow her fault, or that she gets something out of it. For many women, the years of abuse, from the subtle put downs, the slow losing of self esteem, the…
Thank you so much for your contribution, it is important to have positive support. Here in Wales, we still have outmoded attitudes to women and children, to domestic abuse and the status of women. Myths and stereotypes still play an enormous role, people believe that if a woman is experiencing or has experienced domestic abuse, that it is somehow her fault, or that she gets something out of it. For many women, the years of abuse, from the subtle put downs, the slow losing of self esteem, the isolation from family and friends, lack of economic control or access to funds, mean that she has a limited circle to confide in. Added to this is the shame, that others will believe that they are to blame.<br />
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In my and I know others experiences, (a friend once told me that I nagged him, so I had to take my share of the blame, when he drank all the money and we had no heating, that I should remember my place), that the man is the life and sole of the party, or the nicest guy, bit of a drinker but fun and happy, couldn't hit his way out of wet paper bag, wouldn't hurt a fly! This compounds a woman's belief that it is her fault, that if she could just do stuff right, he would stop!<br />
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For many, women's aid is the way out. We now have a 24 hour helpline, in Wales, domestic abuse in Wales is on the devolved Welsh governments agenda, but there is more to be done.We are fortunate that we have strong support as many of our women Ministers and Assembly Members have their roots in the women's movement in Wales, starting out in Women's Aid and other voluntary sector organisations. This is still not enough, we have a non gendered domestic abuse strategy, yet, while we acknowledge that men are also victims of domestic abuse, the majority of abused people are women and we need a violence against women strategy.Amnesty International is running a stop violence against women strategy, it is imperative that we all work together to end violence against women on every level.<br />
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Thank you so much for your input.<br />
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Love & Hugs<br />
Colette Thanks Nicolette naturally yo…tag:ipeace.us,2009-03-06:2217368:Comment:13056152009-03-06T03:19:17.514Zsusan chandelhttps://ipeace.us/profile/susanchandel
Thanks Nicolette naturally you want to go to people who are supportive... if your friends and family are not supportive and they are telling you to stay in an abusive situation. They are not going to be very helpful. This is when you want to turn to people who know about domestic violence and work with it on a regular basis. Call the local or national domestic violence hot line for help. Psychologists, some are helpful some are not. Domestic violence support and relief has long been a…
Thanks Nicolette naturally you want to go to people who are supportive... if your friends and family are not supportive and they are telling you to stay in an abusive situation. They are not going to be very helpful. This is when you want to turn to people who know about domestic violence and work with it on a regular basis. Call the local or national domestic violence hot line for help. Psychologists, some are helpful some are not. Domestic violence support and relief has long been a grassroots movement and seems to work best that way.<br />
Nicolette you are very right, many women in these situations are isolated. It is part of the the pattern of abuse. Many women also have been so downtrodden that they lack the confidence to find help. But if they have made a decision to divorce they might be ready to find help too.By the way, we can also be on the lookout for women who are abused or seem downtrodden and send some kindness their way it might be just the type of boost they need.<br />
Please remember if you are being abused, you want people who can back you up, not put you down. There has been enough of that. Support is out there don't let anyone tell you it isn't. You don't need to be isolated any more.<br />
I just got this email today:<br />
Dear Friends and Supporters of La'Onf,<br />
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We thank you again for working with Peaceful Tomorrows to support and spread the word about La'Onf - the growing network of nonviolence and peace activists in Iraq.<br />
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Today we have very exciting news. La'Onf is organizing a national campaign to end violence against women and to amend their Constitution so that Iraqi women have equal rights with men.<br />
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The "Stop Violence Against Women" Campaign will kick off on International Women's Day, Sunday, March 8th, with a day of activities and events to promote discussion and action on these vital issues. The call for action on March 8th specifically names war and occupation, lack of legislation guaranteeing women's equality, incorrect religious interpretations concerning women's roles and rights, the harsh repression of previous authoritarian regimes, and traditional cultures as reasons for violence against women.<br />
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To read more about La'Onf's plans for March 8th go to:<br />
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<a href="http://www.laonf.net/default.aspx?page=articles&c=activities&id=434">http://www.laonf.net/default.aspx?page=articles&c=activities&am...</a><br />
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Peaceful Tomorrows is honored to be bringing news of LaOnf's work to peace and nonviolence activists in the U.S. and to all concerned American citizens and policymakers. Additional information about La'Onf and this campaign is available on Peaceful Tomorrows' website at:<br />
<a href="http://www.peacefultomorrows.org/article.php?id=874">http://www.peacefultomorrows.org/article.php?id=874</a><br />
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Please consider making a donation to Peaceful Tomorrows so that we can continue to spread the word about the nonviolence movement in Iraq.<br />
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In peace and solidarity with the courageous women and men of La'Onf,<br />
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September 11th Families for Peaceful Tomorrows