"THE SILENT GLANCE"
Am I good enough? Available in exemplary sense of us all and labelled from the fact that no child can bear to punching out from their parents' patronage and approval.
This often means that children are forced to restrain their natural emotion impulses to be accepted and continue to "check up" throughout his childhood, whether he / she is approved or not.
Nothing is for a child as frightening as the threat of "homelessness" from the loss of a parent's love
”The silent glance” a term coined by James Hollis, Jungian, then continues in school, at work, in the family in society and on the Internet and its various forums
We check constantly whether we will do. A behaviour that persists from childhood and the feeling that was connected with just our parents, are then projecting out on other authorities in our lives
This implies that we are not living fully for fear of offending someone or awake anyone’s s antipathy. As this touches our old childhood fears of loosing our parents' care and protection
Therefore, I believe that so many children and subsequently adults have stifled their personality, emotions, etc. just to be loved
What would happen if all adults released their inhibitions, lived out their feelings and dared to declare all their thoughts and reflections without ”checking up” first whether it was viable or not.
We will never know.. because we are all slaves to these "silent glances"
TO SEARCH FOR OUR INNER CHILD
The way to our inner child is, among others, to find out what “ the silent glance” did to us. What did we, as children have to do to fit in, be accepted and loved.
By that “silent glance “ we knew exactly what our parents expected from us,and many followed what that glance told them…Without any spoken words the child added its own emotions and impulses to the side of the reward it is to get a parent's approval.
Here somewhere the child imprisoned in its desire to please. Here somewhere, a child was left behind who had a will of its own and conditions for a completely different development, but which ” the silent glance" stifled.
Who was that child?
I think the whole life through we will try to found out that. We maybe never can tell for sure, but it’s here somewhere it got lost so it must be here we can find it, by analyzing what that ”silent glance” did to us.
It’s nobody’s fault as long as no violence is involved. It’s just the way it is
Our need for acceptance, appreciation and love is so strong that no child can resist it.
Parents may not even require or even wish this behaviour from the child, but by the silent glance the child read their parents in this way. Very often the child intuitively is right…and it get its ”reward” which make it profitable to maintain this behaviour…
Not only throughout the childhood but the whole life through.
Now ”the silent glance” is addressed to important persons in the surrounding from whom we need acceptance, approval or love… I love this expression and what it stands for so thanks to James Hollis who coined it. It makes every thing, concerning relationships, so much easier to understand and it provides us with hints about where to search for this our child within…
If we look closer to this childhood’s ”silent glance” we may be able to find out how this desperate need to fit in and be loved formed our personalities to those they are today.
But what happened to ”Those” who once were ”We” ? The child who gave up its own needs and desires to get that parental love, that no child can live without.
It is THAT child we need to find and get to know and give a renewed chance to develop into the person he /she was supposed to become
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Thank you Apolonia,
for sharing that lovely and relaxing song. So beautiful...so it hurts *smile*
OK . Now I have the rules ;) just have to start living by them
Sorry Now I cannot add a pic. Something is wrong ;(
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