I don’t no where to start anymore. I also feel like a fool. Maybe for now I can just vent through email. I just want someone to know what happened to me.
It almost unbelievable what went wrong for me in so many ways? How the system set up to help failed. Growing up I had to overcome add and hyperactivity. Hard being labeled as a kid. Anyway, I excelled in certain areas and turned things around for me. I guess I could say I made it. I overcame. I was working as an EMT saving life when I could and started a business in consulting on the side. I was consulting in the area of PC setup, repair, networking etc. I guess you could say I used my extra energy or hyperactivity to do so. Regardless I worked hard. I felt I made it. I was young, 29 years old. I got contracts at Putnam, Fidelity and Chase, working in equity research and fixed income doing pc work for upper management. I felt things couldn’t get better. I never had much growing up so, when I bought my first and only new car, I was ecstatic. In 1999 I bought a new Mustang convertible. I even surprised my Dad. He was more of a pessimist. He though having add meant I wouldn’t succeed at much. That’s why he wouldn’t help me when I wanted to go to College. I sold the only running car I ever had to pay my tuition. I did well. Only a community College but I couldn’t afford anything better. Anyway that was earlier in my life. I fought hard and felt as if I made it. My own business, I was saving lives as an EMT, got a new car, and had my own place. I fixed it up very nice with my own hands. My father was in disbelief. I made it on my own and was happy. Now to 911. Actually let’s go back a bit. Growing up my sister had a friend, Julian Francis Kelly. She was always over the house. My first crush I guess. Well she was killed on Pan Am 103 over Locker bee Scotland . The first terror attack I experience. I was young. I guess you could say I was too little to do anything. So when I had my chance to save lives, I made it my job. When I had a chance to help at ground zero I didn’t it honoring my sister’s best friend Julian. Anyway I was at ground zero Sept 11th. The day before I was doing work on my new business. A contract at a good company making enough to be proud of myself. The day after I was standing on top of the destroyed World Trade Center . Hmmm? I did I end up there. Well I volunteered. I had to. Well I helped save a Port Authority officer and tried to save other people from the terror that was 911. I spent a week there with no food or rest or sleep, Non stop. Trying to save life. Somewhere in the rubble part of me was lost. Then part of my life. My health my emotional stability, PTSD and my future. I got back a week later to no job. I left without saying anything to work on the pile. I guess you could say forgot to call in. I just disappeared for week with no word. I didn’t walk around Ground Zero with a name tag or a camera. I had an emergency EMT jump kit and my heart. The only tools I went to the pile with. I used as much as my heart could take, until it’s was broken, physically and emotionally. When I got home after it was a different world. It was strangely quiet. I stood in front of my home, looking at the garden I planted before I left. Everything was dead. The sky was clear and nothing would ever be the same. When I was at Ground Zero a reporter Dave Wade started asking me questions with his camera on. They found my home address and showed up there a week after 911. So they filmed me washing my equipment. It was than I started to cry. I was washing away dirt and debris that were the ashes of the dead. I stopped and didn’t no what to do. Even my Mustang was covered in dust. The ashes of 3000 people on my dash, under my visor etc...When I opened my visor, I couldn’t see me. I saw the ashes of the dead covering my visor mirror. Anyway, I can’t keep typing. So I will be quick. I got sick. I couldn’t work. My car I almost paid off was repossessed. My motorcycle I only had a 1000 left on payments was stolen out of my yard my greater Boston motor sports where I bought it. They said hey, we know you bought coverage for disability just in case you couldn’t work we are to take over payments. Too bad it didn’t cover terror attacks. I couldn’t pay my bills and lost my home. I asked the Red Cross for help with humility and had some one at least to talk to about my feelings. Then I got a call from someone different someone seemingly very angry. They said, I bet you weren’t ever there. They yelled at me and told me not to call the Red Cross again. HE HE. I dint remember the video proof I had. I didn’t know NYPD photo unit took photos of me during the rescue. All I knew is that was the straw that broke the camel back. I called fema and told them what happened with the Red Cross. I guess they called and believed them and not me, because they did nothing. Well the guy said what did you expect, going there, that we would bail you out after. I was my choice and my own consequences, if I was even there. I went to New York after I lost my home to the Mount Sinai Hospital for 911 rescue workers. They almost kept me and or wouldn’t let me leave. I guess they were worried about me because I started crying and hyper ventiling. I was humiliated. I at times asked for help only to be referred elsewhere every time. Well bill collector called me with threats etc, my car was taken, my motorcycle, my garden was dead, and my home was lost. I couldn’t do much or breath very good after a week nonstop on the pile, so when I was confronted at a shelter by some crazy people. I couldn’t fight back while they beat the crap out of me and took my last 10 bucks. So its seven years later. I am mad and feel betrayed. I have no one to talk to and no recourses. No help and no one cares. I managed to fight and got my own apartment but I don’t have much else. My credit was ruined and I owe the IRS and the Dept of revenue. For the money I made on my business the year of 2001 until 911-01. Bill collectors still call me with threats and anger. Hmmm? Where do I start? Thanks for listening. God Bless. I am not sorry I helped a ground zero. I am just sorry the system failed me after. I though the world was a better place. The only thing different is well nothing. No one can help. . Peace and happiness. Craig Allen Garber