I don’t no where to start anymore. I also feel like a fool. Maybe for now I can just vent through email. I just want someone to know what happened to me.

It almost unbelievable what went wrong for me in so many ways? How the system set up to help failed. Growing up I had to overcome add and hyperactivity. Hard being labeled as a kid. Anyway, I excelled in certain areas and turned things around for me. I guess I could say I made it. I overcame. I was working as an EMT saving life when I could and started a business in consulting on the side. I was consulting in the area of PC setup, repair, networking etc. I guess you could say I used my extra energy or hyperactivity to do so. Regardless I worked hard. I felt I made it. I was young, 29 years old. I got contracts at Putnam, Fidelity and Chase, working in equity research and fixed income doing pc work for upper management. I felt things couldn’t get better. I never had much growing up so, when I bought my first and only new car, I was ecstatic. In 1999 I bought a new Mustang convertible. I even surprised my Dad. He was more of a pessimist. He though having add meant I wouldn’t succeed at much. That’s why he wouldn’t help me when I wanted to go to College. I sold the only running car I ever had to pay my tuition. I did well. Only a community College but I couldn’t afford anything better. Anyway that was earlier in my life. I fought hard and felt as if I made it. My own business, I was saving lives as an EMT, got a new car, and had my own place. I fixed it up very nice with my own hands. My father was in disbelief. I made it on my own and was happy. Now to 911. Actually let’s go back a bit. Growing up my sister had a friend, Julian Francis Kelly. She was always over the house. My first crush I guess. Well she was killed on Pan Am 103 over Locker bee Scotland . The first terror attack I experience. I was young. I guess you could say I was too little to do anything. So when I had my chance to save lives, I made it my job. When I had a chance to help at ground zero I didn’t it honoring my sister’s best friend Julian. Anyway I was at ground zero Sept 11th. The day before I was doing work on my new business. A contract at a good company making enough to be proud of myself. The day after I was standing on top of the destroyed World Trade Center . Hmmm? I did I end up there. Well I volunteered. I had to. Well I helped save a Port Authority officer and tried to save other people from the terror that was 911. I spent a week there with no food or rest or sleep, Non stop. Trying to save life. Somewhere in the rubble part of me was lost. Then part of my life. My health my emotional stability, PTSD and my future. I got back a week later to no job. I left without saying anything to work on the pile. I guess you could say forgot to call in. I just disappeared for week with no word. I didn’t walk around Ground Zero with a name tag or a camera. I had an emergency EMT jump kit and my heart. The only tools I went to the pile with. I used as much as my heart could take, until it’s was broken, physically and emotionally. When I got home after it was a different world. It was strangely quiet. I stood in front of my home, looking at the garden I planted before I left. Everything was dead. The sky was clear and nothing would ever be the same. When I was at Ground Zero a reporter Dave Wade started asking me questions with his camera on. They found my home address and showed up there a week after 911. So they filmed me washing my equipment. It was than I started to cry. I was washing away dirt and debris that were the ashes of the dead. I stopped and didn’t no what to do. Even my Mustang was covered in dust. The ashes of 3000 people on my dash, under my visor etc...When I opened my visor, I couldn’t see me. I saw the ashes of the dead covering my visor mirror. Anyway, I can’t keep typing. So I will be quick. I got sick. I couldn’t work. My car I almost paid off was repossessed. My motorcycle I only had a 1000 left on payments was stolen out of my yard my greater Boston motor sports where I bought it. They said hey, we know you bought coverage for disability just in case you couldn’t work we are to take over payments. Too bad it didn’t cover terror attacks. I couldn’t pay my bills and lost my home. I asked the Red Cross for help with humility and had some one at least to talk to about my feelings. Then I got a call from someone different someone seemingly very angry. They said, I bet you weren’t ever there. They yelled at me and told me not to call the Red Cross again. HE HE. I dint remember the video proof I had. I didn’t know NYPD photo unit took photos of me during the rescue. All I knew is that was the straw that broke the camel back. I called fema and told them what happened with the Red Cross. I guess they called and believed them and not me, because they did nothing. Well the guy said what did you expect, going there, that we would bail you out after. I was my choice and my own consequences, if I was even there. I went to New York after I lost my home to the Mount Sinai Hospital for 911 rescue workers. They almost kept me and or wouldn’t let me leave. I guess they were worried about me because I started crying and hyper ventiling. I was humiliated. I at times asked for help only to be referred elsewhere every time. Well bill collector called me with threats etc, my car was taken, my motorcycle, my garden was dead, and my home was lost. I couldn’t do much or breath very good after a week nonstop on the pile, so when I was confronted at a shelter by some crazy people. I couldn’t fight back while they beat the crap out of me and took my last 10 bucks. So its seven years later. I am mad and feel betrayed. I have no one to talk to and no recourses. No help and no one cares. I managed to fight and got my own apartment but I don’t have much else. My credit was ruined and I owe the IRS and the Dept of revenue. For the money I made on my business the year of 2001 until 911-01. Bill collectors still call me with threats and anger. Hmmm? Where do I start? Thanks for listening. God Bless. I am not sorry I helped a ground zero. I am just sorry the system failed me after. I though the world was a better place. The only thing different is well nothing. No one can help. . Peace and happiness. Craig Allen Garber

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By Craig Garber

Lessons of 911

911, Why did this happen? Our world, though awingly bright and beautiful, at times can be dark and very ugly. Good MUST prevail over evil. The good, we are many and we will prevail. I have no doubt. We will not fail and will never fail. When darkness and evil threaten to blanket the light of our good sun, we must fight. Some will die, perhaps myself. This is my duty. I, we, do this for the greater good of the humanity, for the future of the light. You see, the light of the future will one day need to shine on our children. Evil's darkness will be defeated and our children will see the light as we have finally on September 11th. The brave men and women who gave their lives in hopes of rescuing others, showed me the light and taught me that good can and will prevail over evil. They are my example and I am grateful for what they taught me. I must now put on there shoes and move on in their place, or else what will have I learned and what did they die for. This is my good deed, the duty of being an American. The duty of securing a good future for our unborn. So with this in mind I move forward. Hours pass with no signs of life and the hope of finding even the dead seem futile as this mountain of seemingly never ending horror had not just buried good people, its buried an entire 1/2 mile of Manhattan. God be with me in my search. I pray. I pray, I may find someone alive or even someone dead, so they can be buried with honor and pride by their loving families. Finding a human, alive or dead in terrain of terror is like searching for a needle in a haystack, though this, realities haystack is compiled of two 110 story buildings, two obliterated plane's and the needles are not needles but people. Each one found cuts into to my heart, not like a needle but like a knife. Its funny, I was at Ground Zero four almost five days and made some seemingly very close friends, some new brothers and sisters. The only problem is, none of had on nametags nor had time for formal introductions. So I am back in Boston and trying to live my life, dealing as best I can, with the thoughts and often-painful emotions stemming from my week at Ground Zero. I feel pain that my never go away though realize what I did was necessary. All that I did at Ground Zero was for the sake of the greater good of our Country and Countrymen and women as well as for the sake the sake of the future the free world and the future of our children. I may never be rewarded for my efforts at Ground Zero, nor will I ever be able to again meet the certain hero’s I worked with at Ground Zero as they don’t know my name and I don’t know theirs. What I do know is we took part in an event that will never be forgotten by people that were there and people that saw it on TV. It was a bittersweet experience. Mostly bitter, though knowing we can unite and come together under times of darkness for our country tells me that the light will always shine over the USA and our sprit will never be defeated. That’s reward enough for me. Ground Zero created allot of unsung heroes you may never hear about or see in on the news or in a movie about 911 but we were there and were proud as well as honored to have served our Country in time of crisis.

I hope someday other countries will understand and appreciate our sacrifice, our tolerance and our strength. Our great Country was built in a spirit of union. We live in a giant melting pot. Though our country is diverse, we all can find common ground in each other, if we try, and we do. We Americans find normalcy in each other. That's how we intermingle successfully despite our own complexities. As our, flag is Red, White and Blue. Our spirits are White, Black, Yellow, Red, etc. Our Red, White and Blue flag is our symbol of our strength and freedom. Our White, Black, Yellow, Red, etc. realities, symbolize our undying sprit and unity. I reiterate our great Country was built in a spirit of union. The trick, and what some other Country's, may need to learn is the importance of normalcy. Normalcy comes with understanding, acceptance and outreach. The trick is for them to learn as much about others as they can, as well as to share as much of themselves with others utilizing, the spirit of understanding, acceptance and outreach, finding normalcy in one another. This is how we unite and Stand United. Some of these other countries must first learn and understand the importance of normalcy. Global unification will follow. Normalcy will and can only be found when we share and merge our diversity.


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