Our humanness can be compared to a battery. We have both, a negative and a positive side as well as being made up of pure energy. It is what we decide to do with our energy that defines our life experiences.
I was raised in a family with half brothers and sister as well as step siblings. There were a total of 10 children between my parents and their spouses, however at most, only three of us children lived together at a time. My younger brother was very spoiled and acted out because of having parents that were emotionally distant. For many years he was called, “Spaz” by everyone and I mean everyone. We were never disappointed by his lack of behavior. All of us in his life created a mold for his actions and he always filled it, we ended up feeding his own negativity. After a firm scolding from our mother everyone eventually stopped calling him by his nasty nickname.
Now years later, he very much holds onto his negativity. I being the older sister took on the roll of mother. Throughout the years, I would do all sorts of things to try and “help” him out. I would give him money and create job opportunities with my own companies as well as through my friends.
In my mind, I was “Helping him.” In reality, I was continuously judging him! I looked down on him for his choices like being a Carnival worker, disappearing for three months and living on the street etc, etc. The key is…it is his life and I was standing in the way of him living it! I would be so frustrated that he was not living up to my standards that I had set for him. For years I allowed myself to resent him for my own need to take care of him; I was stifling his own personal growth.
My brother has carried with him all types of resentment about his own upbringing and the memories that he chose to hold onto. He chooses to live a life focused on negativity and because of that, he draws more negative towards him.
I now know that, the past is the past and cannot be changed, however we can change the future here in the present. When we choose to hold onto past beliefs and patterns we carry with us a load that slowly begins to crush us with its weight. Resentments and a sense of entitlement hold us back in our own eternal progression.
At arm’s length, I can allow myself to have an authentic relationship with my brother. I don’t have to agree with his choices, however, I have found a way to love him without judging him or wanting to change him. He is the only one that can bring on change in his own life. It is his own choice as to which energy he is going to bring to light. My place as his sister is just to love him…period.
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