A Very Human Paradox

I want to break free,
I want to break free from your lies,
You are so self satisfied,
I don’t need you.
I want to break free…

Sometime ago, I met someone; a very famous Italian professor who wrote a book that became well-known in Turkey. He owns his university in couple of different countries. To be introduced to him, I was invited to a training of him organized by his organization in Istanbul.

The training was on a Sunday at a five-star hotel and there were almost 35 trainees who were mostly bank managers. After a while, there was an occasion when I said I didn’t attend his previous training but I was invited for that day. He somehow, started his long speech with why Sokrates, because of not charging a fee for his knowledge, was accused and there were no real trainers in the world including the ones at Harvard University. Of course, his univesity was an exception… He went on further saying that, I chose to be a mediator because I chose conflicting with life; this also explained why I had a divorce already and I would be divorcing a second time; although I wasn’t married a second time!

I listened him for a while and then asked him if he wanted me to leave the training. Without a second hesitation, he said, yes. Before leaving the room, I said I chose to be a mediator because I believed in peace and, peace in the world was possible. Though peace would start first within the Self and, then it would spread further to others. This was it. I left. The organizer ran after me and said they never had a similiar situation before and she excused a couple of times. We are Human and anything was possible.

But I have to be sure
When I walk out that door
Oh how I want to be free baby…Two days later, I have received a late evening call from the organizer. She was asking me if I would like to meet the professor next morning. I agreed. After all I thought, why wouldn’t I?

The next morning was an absolute theatre. As soon as he had seen me, I heard him saying, Deniz, my dear, and to make it even more artifical, he kissed me twice before our talk which lasted almost an hour!

But life still goes on
I cant get used to living without, living without
Living without you by my side,
I dont want to live alone hey

We all know or hear about those people who lost once everything they had or realized their life had no meaning and resigned from the position they had or observed the environment and created a re-production of an old idea… Then what?

Most of the story starts like this: “I realized I was in a prison. I stood up and changed my life completely. I know I can do anything in life. Look at me, I am a proof; go out and change your life. You have the power in you!”…

Oh, dear! We have a million of books and stories of that kind, if not a billion, in all over the world. The main idea is, to get out of the prison and be free…

Human paradox!

During almost every mediation, I realized what kind of a prison we created for ourselves. We mostly prefered a hold in life, full of only good-bad, success-failure, love-hate, and many other one-side of any opposes. We hardly considered to be anywhere between or above or below that definition we chose to hold. To believe in something we already decided to believe, didn’t mean that it was the reality. It was our choice, yes true, a way of creating an illusion about life. But it was our own window as well; through which we painted our own prison. And our imprisonment was limited to how big our view was; some of us had a bigger cell and some other had it smaller. At the end, we all lived in our self created-cells!

I want to break free,
I want to break free from my lies,
I am so self satisfied,
I don’t need myself.
I want to break free…

This is the beginning of the above storiesof the Gurus; like the professor I met. His life has changed after he lost his wife and after his dreams he wrote his book, established his universities… A way to escape from one prison… Yes, then he created another one for the Professor!

That’s whay I was invited and welcomed as, Deniz my dear… He couldn’t face to damage his well re-created image!

To sell the Ferrari means nothing, unless you never buy another one. To invent a programme to develop people means nothing, unless you develop yourself. To enjoy freedom means nothing, unless you are absoluteley independent from an illusion.

Talking about self power and, then be afraid of what others say? Talking about freedom and, be fixed on schedules of speecehs all around the world? Talking about money and material mean nothing and, then own a million dollor villa?

A very human paradox!

Rumi, a Sufi philosopher said, either to be known how you are or to be as you are known.

This is the way to freedom…

Deniz Kite, 10th March 2009, listening to Mozart in Istanbul
The lyrics are from "I want to break free" by Quenn