Contemplation

I've been contemplating my life for the last several years. Thinking to myself..."Oh my Goddess! I'm almost forty seven years old and what have I accomplished in my life?" "Have I done any of the things that I wanted to do in my life that I always dreamed of doing?" Well, a few things I certainly manifested through Visualization and Affirmation for sure. But that was way back in the 1980's and 1990's. And I haven't really used my creative powers of manifestation to create what I dream of. I came to Los Angeles, California in 1983 to pursue an acting, writing and directing career, but due to a series of events (let's call them karmic in nature as I am a spiritualist and do not believe in organized religion per se, nor do I believe in fate), that either I've used as an excuse to avoid my true calling (fear based subconscious thought) such as my strong pull towards a career in the Entertainment Industry as an actor, of which I had been pursuing diligently and with gusto and actually making pretty good progress in that field up until I was hit by a drunk driver while I was riding my motorcycle home late one night from a friend's house back in 1985. I was truly messed up. Broken leg, damaged knees, dislocated left elbow, broken metacarpals in my left hand and sever damage to my scrotum which led to the removal of my right testicle. And sever damage to my left testicle. The micro surgeon who put my male parts back together told me that I most likely would never father children. Ha! But I proved him wrong! Thank Goddess!

Anyway, I realized that my acting career was over then. It took more than five years to just recover physically (for the most part) to where I could get around on my own without someone (a family member or a friend) to take me here or to take me there. I had never even thought about my mental and spiritual processes that had been injured as well. I went into deep depression. I thought about suicide almost on a daily basis. Even my family had made comments that I was definitely not the same person anymore. My personality had changed a lot. I used to be the comedian always joking and making people laugh. I had been a member of the L.A. Connection (a comedy group for stand up and improve), we did shows and it was a great time. But that was before my accident. I changed. I didn't even notice at first. It was my oldest sister who is eighteen months younger than me who was the first family member who noticed first and made a valid statement about it. And...in making that valid statement, I was placed in a window of realization that caused me to self-analyze and self-reflect and unfortunately, caused me to go into deeper depression. Well...hay, these things happen to people, right?

I mean it took years to get my act together. Funny to use the word "act". I ended up getting into another side of the Entertainment Business, as my best friend who I met on the set of "Back to the Future", got me into doing special effects make-up and other related behind the scenes jobs. I worked in the Theme Park Industry for a while, working as a show ride designer, model builder and sculptor for Walt Disney Imagineering and then later as a freelance sculptor for Walt Disney Art Classics both in the Glendale and Burbank areas of the San Fernando Valley here in Los Angeles, California. And yes, I'm still here and I'm still working in the Entertainment Industry...but just not in the part of the Industry that I prefer to really be in. So you say: "Why not?" and my answer is either to chicken-s**t to do it, or I don't really know why. Because I absolutely LOVE acting! So why haven't I pursued it at this point? What are the obstacles that are allegedly blocking me from my true calling? My oldest child is only a year away from graduating from high school and my daughter is six years away. Are those legitimate excuses for avoiding a career in acting? I don't really have anything to lose at this point. My wife and I are living from measly paycheck to measly paycheck as it is, so what could possible stop me from doing what I love to do? Fear is my excuse except that I know that that is a terrible excuse and I really cannot use it anymore.

So recently, my best friend (you know, the one I met while working on the set Back to the Future) said that we should do a Youtube television show...a comedy. And I agreed. He had told me that even he used to have a fear of being in front of the camera, but that was never my fear. My fear had always been the responsibility of making a lot of money and handling all that money. Yes, it's true, I completely believe that I was going to be famous. Even my best friend has said to me at the time that I was still pursuing an acting career, that he predicted that I would be famous withing a couple of years, just because I was that entertaining and funny. I know that I did quite well in the begining, but I never really looked at myself from the outside. I mean, I was always inside myself...right? So I hadn't done any self-reflection as I was right smack dab in the middle of just having a great time doing what I was doing, and that was what we're supposed to be doing no matter what it is that we dream of doing.

We are infinite beings of light and energy and thought. We are sentient (most of us anyway), self-aware spiritual beings who are borrowing these physical vessels of flesh, blood and bone. We chose to have these bodies to play with, to experience what life is like in this vibration. Pain, happiness, joy, sorrow, murder, dis-ease, jealousy, greed, love, every emotion, every experience that we can conjure up, and trust you me, WE are the conjurers and no one else. There IS a higher consciousness, but I wouldn't call it God, because the word God separates us from the Source, OUR Source, where we really came from. We volunteered for this experience, WE DID! There isn't this larger than life , most ancient of ancient old men sitting up in a place called Heaven upon a throne in the clouds where he looks down and judges us, because we are a part of the Source. We are the crazy volunteers who said: "Hey! We'll go down to that vibration of the third dimension to experience what it's like to be alive! We'll do it! We'll do it!" And the Source said: "Great! We needed a part of ourselves to go and do this so that we can take a break from what we are so we can continue to expand and grow and evolve. And we'll need you volunteers to break away from Source, from Spirit to learn all that you can learn so that later on, you too can be here where the rest of us are now. You can do our job later so that the rest of us can move on to an even higher vibration and we bless you for that. And no matter what you decide to do in that physical vibration, no matter how you choose to evolve in that place, we will not judge you because no matter what, you are a grand part of us, you are an inextricable part of Source, of Spirit, and we love you! As we love ourselves.
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When, after many nights and mornings and after years of meditation, that these profound realizations were shared with me from Source, I started to heal, mentally, physically and spiritually. I knew after being raised as a Catholic and knowing at the early age of nine, that there was definitely something wrong with organized, man-made religions, and that I knew this early in my young life, that Catholicism, nor pretty much any other goofy man-made religion was unfortunately designed to keep me in the dark with regards to spirituality and what love really means and how it should manifest if you are in the right space mentally, physically and especially spiritually. Look at all the bloody wars past and pre-sent that are based on religious beliefs. Do you really think that the Source only blesses one country or one people? Do you really think for even one nano second that the Source is concerned for this country or that country or this religion or that religion? Really? Seriously? If so...why would you think that? I mean, look at all the different religions upon this planet. But overall, we are all, and I mean every single one of us, completely connected to each other, no matter what you think, no matter what you were indoctrinated to believe by your parents, and their parents and their parents, and their parents and so on and so forth all the way back to the beginning of human "civilization?".

Are we civilized? Those of us who have learned from our life's lessons...over thousands of years of reincarnating, may very well be moving in that direction, but then we are ALL moving in that direction, some of us slower than others and some of us faster than others. Those who hold back spiritual progress are the younger souls such as the Babies and the Young souls who doggedly refuse to see what they are doing to the planet and it's people. You can see this in Proto-Dictators such as Richard B.Cheney and George W. Bush and their entire Mafia Cabal of Corporate Ne'er-do-Wells. And obviously, they aren't the only ones who can be blamed for the continuing greed of the Illuminati, the World Elite, the Members of the Bilderberg, but they are the most recent example of how out of control we've allowed the wealthy to trample all over the planet's population unchecked and unchallenged. Although not completely unchallenged, but those who do take on such a challenge are usually quickly snuffed out either literally or figuratively through the Corporate owned and controlled Main-Stream Media that they love to refer to as; the Liberal Media! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ho, ho, ho, har, har, har, hee, hee, hee...WHAT A COMPLETE JOKE THAT IS!!! C'mon, you are paying attention aren't you? You're not gong to allow the Corporate Owned and Controlled Main-Stream Media to manipulate you into a zombie-like state are you? Are you a sheep? Are you easily manipulated to think what they want you to think? Do you parrot idiots such as Rush Limbaugh and all those other scummy, Ultra-Right-Wing Big Mouthed Corporate Talking Heads who spew lies, who's moronic drivel comes blasting out at you at the speed of light, whacking you in the ear hole, turning you brain to mush? Is that your source of national and international news? Seriously? Uh, you might once in a while tune in (for an entire day mind you) to Pacifica Radio. And yes, if you are somewhere other than the United States of Central North America, a backwards country to say the least, and way, way behind Europe and Central and South America in Social Awareness, you can find Pacifica Radio programs over the internet. I'm here in Los Angeles, so I listen to KPFK 90.7 FM either on the radio or streaming on the internet. You see, they call themselves left-wing radio, but I totally disagree with that label, and the reason why I disagree is because when they do interviews and news stories, they always invite the Right-Wingers to join in on the discussion, but the Right-Wingers know full well that Pacifica Radio does half hour and one hour interview programs, and the Right-Wingers know full well that they cannot defend their biases and opinions over that long a period of time, that's why they use their Corporate Media to deliver sound-bites that are usually no longer than thirty seconds or on a really important propaganda piece, perhaps two minutes, and they always refuse to be interviewed or just to join in on an important issue. They run away with their tails between their legs!

This is what ended up inspiring me and making me decide that I do have an important roll to play in human social awareness. For some reason, everyone is made to fear the word "social" anything attached to the word has been made to freak the general population out. Oh my God...we have Social Security! It's Social! Next, the plebs will be asking for Socialized Mediciine! Run away! Run away! Or better yet, dissolve Social programs all together! Why should "we" be paying for illegal aliens to be getting free health care? Huh? What did you just say? Are you stupid or something? You've been so easily manipulated away from the REAL topic of concern here, you morons, and I'm sorry, but seriously, you need to be whacked in the side of the ear hole so your brain pops awake again. First of all, illegal aliens are NOT just Latino's coming up from El Sur (the South), we have all kinds of illegal aliens, such as the ones who totally blend in because of their blond hair and European heritage. Do you know how many illegal Irish there are in this country? Oh my Goddess, there are thousands! So why do those assholes called the Minute Men only harass Latino's along the Mexican/United States of Central North American boarder? Perhaps you could call it racism...no?

Boarders are strange things aren't they? Can you imagine the planet having no boarders at all? Can you? Try it for a couple of minutes, or perhaps a bit longer. I mean really just sit an be quiet and seriously imagine that there are no boarders, physical or territorial, or political. Wow! What a great planet this would be indeed! What if everyone were treated equally, planet-wide? What if everyone had access to a full and completely "honest" education where the Elite didn't manipulate our history books, where even the "poor" had full access? Well, first of all, there wouldn't be any poor people anymore, because they would be educated, and being educated, they would most likely have less babies as they learn the truth about history, and the Elite Families who control our money supplies, and who manufacture unnecessary and highly illegal wars for their own personal profit all the while culling a certain population here and another population there. Perhaps creating militarized dis-eases to strike fear into the world's population, perhaps causing man-made epidemics such as AIDS and Spanish Flu and Swine Flu (H1N1) and SARS and Avian Flu (H5N1) all manufactured by criminal pharmaceutical conglomerates because they think that (by agreement from their bi-annual Bilderberg Membership meetings of the Elitest of the Elite families and their country and/or Corporate machinations) the world's population is too high. And it IS too high, but who's fault is that? What causes this disparity between the wealthy (nations and families) and the poorer less developed nations (and their families)? Could it perhaps be the lust for power and control over another sovereign nation's mineral wealth, their water wealth, their forest wealth, and even perhaps their wealth of cheap labor?

As long as we live as we are living now, the Utopian days of a Star Trek type of equality and a futuristic balance of humans and nature as well as a better understanding of spirituality, which is way off in the far future, just looking at the greed and materialism of the pre-sent, then you will have to reincarnate a few more times, I guarantee you that for sure before you will see such a world. And perhaps we as a species have already written our fate in the sands of history. Our oceans are dying...and that is a fact. Our air is filthy, our water is polluted and undrinkable in most over-populated locations on our planet. And the next wars will be over water than anything else, I can guarantee you that. And most likely there will be a huge die-off of the human race as we also take a lot of nature with us.

There's a picture of a night in shining armor, sitting upon his gallant steed as he is thrusting his lance deep into a serpent dragon. And the caption at the bottom of the image reads: "Slay Ignorance". Thank you Peter Brown for that picture that you kept in your home all those years. I always appreciated it so much.

Till next time.