Feminism, friendship and spirituality

March 8 is International Women’s Day but in Toronto, we celebrate IWD on the Saturday closest to March 8 I usually do I went to the rally and march that has been held every year since 1975.

On March 8. I had lunch with my friend Velcrow on Toronto Island, where he lives. I’ve been having some trouble healing from a leg injury that is causing me a lot of pain. I’ve been to the chiropractor, who made it worse, the massage therapist and the Chinese doctor who make it better for a day or two but it still it hurts. So Velcrow offered to do a Tarot reading for me. His version of Tarot is Jungian which means it helps you get to some of the psychological issues that might be blocking your way, in this case to healing.

Velcrow’s one of my closest friends. His knows me well and is very insightful so I figure his Tarot readings are a structural way for him to help me to see myself better. But he insists it’s the Tarot not him. We live like this in our friendship. I interpret his spirituality through my lens and I learn a lot from him and I hope vice versa. On the surface our interests and knowledge are very different but when we go deeper we find that we are often talking about the same thing using different language. Our dialogues on spirituality and politics have informed my new book Transforming Power and his new film FierceLight. I would trust him with my life.

Anyway we were in the restaurant on the island and some pretty heavy stuff was coming up in the Tarot. I noticed a woman sitting nearby was listening and I was thinking maybe we should retire to his house when the woman came over to the table. “Nice to see you on International Women’s Day, “ she said, recognizing me (I am a well known feminist in Canada). “You are precious to us you know.”

I thought , if I am so precious maybe you could leave me alone in what is obviously an intense conversation with my friend but I was polite and said , “Thanks” Then she said “be careful of him.” Incredulous, I responded, “You are trying to protect me from Velcrow?” “Yes” she answered. She recommended a different Tarot book then what he was using, one written by two women, suggesting that somehow this male using a book written by a male could only steer me wrong. “Well you are wrong. He and I are great friends, and I need no protection from him.” All the time thinking is this woman for real?

Velcrow laughed. “You are really out of line here,” he told her and I was glad he did but she wasn’t listening. “Well, she said, “I hope you have some good female energy around you today is, International Women’s Day, so it’s important.” I am not sure why I didn’t just tell her to go to hell but I guess I’m too polite. So I replied, “I have lots of good women around me but today I am with Velcrow and I’m starting to think I need protection from you not from him.” Then she said, “Well you never know why someone comes into your life, maybe you better listen to me.” Unbelievable!

I’ve never been the kind of feminist who thinks men are bad and women are good. My brother has always been the most important person in my life so I generally like men; although I’ve been disappointed by many. But I have never had a strange man invade my personal space quite so arrogantly as this women. It was hard to go back to the Tarot reading after that but Velcrow and I had a great discussion about what’s fucked up about a certain kind of feminism and a certain kind of spirituality, once again realizing that dogma of whatever kind stops you from seeing what’s in front of your nose.

I celebrate International Women’s Day not only because of all the wonderful women I know but the growing number of wonderful men. If there is one thing I have learned over the last few decades of being feminist, it’s that women’ s liberation will never happen without dismantling patriarchy and we can’t do that without men who are willing to participate in that transformation by struggling to create a new kind of masculinity. I'm am lucky enough to have one of them as a close friend.

Happy International Women's Day!