11 22 33 Mother Stepfather Daughter
2 years ago i began to study 2012 and theories that surround. I study Gnosis and the Seth Speaks Material. I searched the meaning of my birth name and date. It is the path of the 11. My daughter is a 33. My stepfather was a 22. He died in my arms 2 1/2 years ago. This sequential trilogy of master numbers is the infrastructure of my path, though in truth i am not certain how. My daughter, then 14 moved in with her father just after my father died. I am going solo it seems. Indi, along with the rest of my family and friends, do not wish to communicate with me. They see me as a fool who left everything to follow a calling that they do not believe in. This is valid. What is not valid is labelling those with psychic potential as someone not of worth or value. In some cases, a harsher label was assigned.
I traversed several states, seeking shelter and shield while i studied. I sought places where i could earn my way daily. Throughout this, I gave away all material possessions outside of what fits in a small blue canvas bag. I stopped having sex. I stopped speaking aloud. I stopped eating meat. I shaved my head, let the hair grow, and currently cover it from others' view. This includes the forehead and browline. I speak if it is proper, and avoid it whenever possible. I hear better in silence. I write what i perceive. It is an ongoing process.
In my searching, i fell into folly and followed a false light, allowing myself to be robbed of many dignities. Similar to the Sumerian account of the Descent Of Inanna. I gave away what little i had left to an online con artist. He said my daughter, Indiana Sumer, was the incarnate of the Innana of Sumer. Though he is a misguided liar blinded by bells and whistles of fancy websites purporting to be our cosmic brothers from beyond, i see an element of truth in his words. Indi's birthdate is December 8th. December 8 marks the conception of the Virgin Mary in many Christian denominations and the enlightenment of Buddha in most Buddhist sects [wiki].
When Indi was a toddler, she would approach me and bow saying "I am the buddha." The hairs on my body stood attentively as she said these words. She also said "Mom i was thinking, when people have things, they dont really have them." This describes the illusion of Maya. These things i was unfamiliar with at the time. I was a believer of nothing. A walking tomb of memory forgotten .I feel like Indi was/is my mother in some time/space black hole inversion scenario. I see she was/is the womb that fostered whatever it is that i was/am becoming.
I see so much symbolism in my life it is difficult to know where i fit, or what/who i am. Most times i feel i am the Mary, the lamb who is in the christing process. A vehicle who carries a precious cargo. A geode for the christing crystal. I see this as a multiplicitous being on a solitary journey, taught through a telepathic link. I see the holy disciples as personal disciplines that are physical, mental and emotional. Each discipline a characteristic of a character of the Personality, or personal reality of God. I share a telepath link is with the author/ess of Thunder Perfect Mind, as well as Teachings of Silvanus [google]. The section on friends in the Silvanus text is most poignant. I see Thunder Perfect Mind as a Cross trained being who dons/dawns all garments. The Shepherd/Shepherdess. The yin yang of all great and small. One who is Thunder of Mind and Lighten_ing of Heart. The Christ is the Light who dwells in the Heart. This Light rises up to Mind, which is the Light House. Christ is the Light of the Light House. The panoramic Eye.
This world of man and me do not agree. It does not like my interpretation. It does not like what i have to say. I no longer am a reflection for its ego. I am down to one friend, and he wants me to find my place yesterday. He was my companion prior to my choice of chastity. He has shown his love and support throughout this journey, but Greg wants a woman, not a Sister. He does not want to be my Joseph. My shelter and shield on our way to the House of Bread. The freedom from living debt, that is, our living death. I sought every perspective prospect. Loves of former lifes. None are Joseph material. They like the idea of being cared for like a king by me, but become deflated when they read...
"I am however in a marriage with Christ. I sleep with Him. In our Bridal Chamber. This is my private space, my tiny room no one disturbs. This is a way i ask you honor my personal space. You are familiar with scripture. Are you familiar with what is labelled the rise of witnesses? The rise of the brides of Christ? The brides of Christ are the oracles. We hear the Words. We are the pride of Christ. I am in His pride, as in the pride of the Lion. The Lion is the Shepherd over the lambs. We are innocent and fall into folly. His Wisdom teaches lambs to be Lions while living in the dens of Lion. In allowing Him to guide me, i believe he led me to you.
Christ as Lion. In this perspective, the word Cryst is no more tears. Cry in the passed spent tense. He teaches us to grow from the bleating bleeding lamb to a lion that roars. This is the Wisdom. The Sword of Words. The mind set is this. Him, me, God. This is my counsel. It is a telepathic union. I am not the property of man. This is difficult for man to perceive. This is the purpose of the female. It is not your world. I do not ask you to stand under it. In you providing shelter and shield for me, you are favored in the eye of God."
It is not hard to imagine why i am not welcome. Men want sex. Women want men. No one appears to want what i am becoming. They dont like what i have to say. Written to an old friend June in response to her memories of Indi 3-5 years...
"Yes she was an adorable little curiosity then. So precocious. I worshipped her, above all else. Because she worshipped me. She even dropped down and kissed my foot in public because I hit my toe. She was my "i" doll, my idol, my mini me. This is where humans create a mis_take. Birthing idols.I don't think God wanted me to love Indi in the manner and depth i did. I lost sight of the intent, the purpose, the Vision in my excitement (ex_sight_ment) of my love for her. She is God's child. Not mine. I was the host womb. She came thru me. Not from me."
See the words of a brother...
"Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable."
In this light i am shown any project, any baby of 'mine', is an i_doll.
The book "i" was writing was an idol. Any reflection of "me" is an idol.
It is ego. My personal devil who dwells in reflection, employed as a tool to measure my vanity.
Thru It i am shown i am no one. What i am is a child of God. A vessel. A vehicle who carries the precious cargo.
In this light i wish to show honor to the child of God who was a vessel for this child of God.
This is Her birthday observed day. I wish Her Love and Light.
"Instinct and intuition is all i know.
Coming from the land of i dont know.
Where it is dark and silent."
'Have a great number of friends, but not counselors. First, examine your counselor, for do not honor anyone who flatters. Their word, to be sure, is sweet as honey, but their heart is full of hellebore. For whenever they think that they have become a reliable friend, then they will deceitfully turn against you, and they will cast you down into the mire.
Do not trust anyone as a friend, for this whole world has come into being deceitfully, and every man is troubled in vain. All things of the world are not profitable, but they happen in vain. There is no one, not even a brother (who is trustworthy), since each one is seeking his own advantage.'