Response to David and the members of iPeace

Last night, after a long day away from the computer, I opened my mailbox to find it bursting with interesting things - first, David's public referal, with compliments, to one of my blog posts. Second, lots of apparent comments. When I opened the post to see the comments, I discovered it had disappeared. Today I learnt it had been removed, the first blog post ever to be removed from iPeace, what an honour. I started writing a response to David privately and then ran out of room; and since the majority of what I had to say has more to do with the rest of iPeace, I might as well say it here:

...The funny thing about all this, that this is exactly what I was talking about in that post (not regarding your decision remove it, but people's reactions.) The hypocracy of it all. The hypocracy of the people who calmly compare Israel to the Nazis, but cannot stand the comparison of Hamas to them. And, to paraphrase, from all we know about Israel, they are not Nazis either (by the way - I didn't say Hamas WERE Nazis. I don't believe that. But I think there are similiarities that need to be pointed out, because if we fail to recognise warning signs, how are we ever to prevent the next holocaust? I am a granddaughter of holocaust survivors, by the way.)

The hypocracy, the hypocracy of people supposedly believing so much in peace and co existence and respect, but having a hard time accepting opinions that are strange and different from their own - such as, for example, a moderate left winged; who believes in and wants peace, but thinks that on occasion, depending on the circumstances, military action is unavoidable - though recognizing that the ultimate solution can only come from dialog and understanding. See, that's me. I'm not a bleeding heart. I'm not really into the happy go lucky kind of attitude. I believe in practicalities. It's who I am, how I raised, incidentally by a father who works with the Peres Center for Peace and runs enterpreunship programs for young Palestinians in East Jerusalem. And like him I believe in cause and consequences and taking responsibilities for your life; I believe in being realistic, and that peace will never be achieved through prayer or flowers or poems, nor by CHANGING one's views to those of the other - just UNDERSTANDING the views of the other. There is a difference. It would appear that the majority of people here, sadly and to my dissapointment, do not get that.
See, it is my belief that dialog does not mean "convincing the other that you were right". It certainly isn't what it is for. Dialog is for understanding what the OTHER thinks is right, and accepting that that opinion is legitimate. From that, one can grow and learn, and than both sides adjust to the other; and then, eventually, from that you get friendship, and understanding, and compromise and then - peace. It is a long process, it doesn't happen immediately, and people need to realize that until you get there, it is about more than repeating the word "peace" and "love" lots of times. It is, in fact, more about strategy, planning, practicalities and nuances. That is, if your aim is actually to get anywhere, namely to peace, and not just give lip service or feel good about your self because you 'believe in peace'.

Reality is not pretty. It is harsh. Saying that peace should be unconditional is a lovely idea - but it is highly disconnected from reality. In reality, for people who have been in conflict for many years, the road to peace is a lot less easy. It is paved with scars and fear and pride and the need to feel that their rights and safety are guaranteed. It is not a choice, it is psychology. They can't widely accept peace at ANY cost. So, what would be the practicality of bringing them around to make peace? forcing them into a generalized view of the term 'peace', or working with them and their needs?

Now, I didn't come here to be sweet, or get sympathy, or get people to like me. I came here because I thought this was a platform for a mature, informed, educated exchange of opinions. I once led such an exchange of opinions in my old blog, Joint Voices, that I ran with Bashir from Beirut during the Lebanon War. Please feel free to look. We each held on to our own opposing views, but discussed them logically, and ended up not with someone changing their opinion, but with a friend. We, between the both of us, achieved peace (so I actually have proof of how this does work). The main success came, I think, from the fact that we talked to the point. No pussyfooting. No censorship around the tough issues.

I thought this was a place like that too. Alas, I find, that most people here are, in fact, mainly interested in making peace only with themselves, nodding and tsking to each other and reassuring each other that they are peaceful beings. So I fear this isn't the place for me. It's, sadly, rather pointless. With the exception of a few friends I made, like David and Ruach and Mohamad Sh., most of you aren't really interested in real dialog, but rather dialog between the like minded. How unfortunate that you fail to see that the only way to peace is dialog and friendship with those you DISAGREE with.

And so, David, in response to your question, I don't think I'll be staying. While I believe in sensitivity, I disagree with being 'extra sensitive'. I don't believe in hushing my opinions just because someone else thinks otherwise. I never cursed or insulted anyone, I just had a different opinion, and that is perfectally legitimate by any liberal, democratic criteria (free speech ahm ahm).With people who don't get that, there's no point in attempting a real dialog.

David, I thank you for the opportunity to speak. I have nothing but highest respect for you and what you're trying to do with this venture here. It's been really great to make friends with you, you're an amazing person.
Also, to all those good souls who made friends with me, a great big thanks, love and respect. It's been awsome. Keep up the friendships.

As for the rest of you, here's sad part, the big reality check. What I wrote in that post really wasn't extreme at all. I represent the opinions of what is known as the 'sane middle/left wing' in Israel. These are the opinions of the majority, they are even a little more to the right. If you are unable to bring yourself to converse with me and accept me, this means you are living in a bubble, blocking out the majority of Israelis and cancelling out any hope of conversation - and these are the people who hold the power, from this side anyway, to materialize peace. No dialog with the likes of me, means no dialog at all - and without dialog, correct me if I'm wrong, no possibility for peace.

Good luck everyone.

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Comment by David Califa on January 12, 2009 at 12:34am
@Helen who said we can't. on the contrary, we must start a dialogue as soon as we can
Comment by Helen Bascom on January 12, 2009 at 12:25am
If we can not have a dialog during war, are we to wait until the conflict is resolved to discuss it? That makes no sense. If as rational human beings we can not set aside our irrational emotional feelings for a few minutes to talk about a current conflict in the spirit of bringing peace, then this community is not for me.

I am not taking sides on conflict in Gaza. I just want the killing to stop. For the next few days I will be re-evaluating my involvement in this community.
Comment by Moustafa Ghaddar on January 11, 2009 at 11:58pm
I have my theory on why the blog was deleted, which I believe has to do with the comments and not with the post itself, but I think no need to say it. It will be good to have that post and comments back, but I think that is not an option.

Anyway, I believe that any support for the operation in Gaza is a support for the series of war crimes going on there. Those israelis who think that war will not be solved by "flowers" they should try giving the Palestinians their rights, instead of supporting the holocaust that is going on in Gaza.

We know that the majority of israelis support this war, probably like they supported the war on Lebanon in the first, and that is why there is no peace in this region yet. The main obstacle for peace is Israel, it should change its terrorist policies toward Palestinians.

To stop Hamas rockets, they should release the 11000 prisoners from the israeli torture camps, and give Palestinians their rights, instead of trying to commit massacres and support it and try to make it "legal self defense".

Salam,
Comment by David Califa on January 11, 2009 at 10:31pm
For transparency here's my message to Lilu after removing her original blog:

I confess, Lilu. I removed it. It was the first blog that I've ever removed from iPeace, and I thought it to be very good.

I was hoping that your blog, maybe with your moderation, would be a good trigger to a dialogue that will lead us to the future. I was wrong, badly wrong. When I deleted the dialog, some 30 minutes later, there were 11 comments on it, 2 of them mine, and it was nothing that resembled a dialogue.

So first, I owe you (and the people who took the time to comment on it) an apology. Please accept it. I did it for the good of iPeace, because I believe that when this war is over, we will and should have a future as a community committed to peace.

I don't know what was in it that triggered so much hate, neither the blog nor the comments had any truth that we wanted to hide. Perhaps it was comparing the Hamas to the Nazis. With all due respect, and with all what WE know about the Hamas, they are not Nazis.

I hope that you'll continue to contribute to iPeace. You are very talented and your voice is very important.

I am still looking for the blog or forum discussion that will take us from the path of blaming and hatred to the path of dialogue, understanding, accepting and respecting. Maybe you can write it.

Again, please accept my sincere apology.

Love

David

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