I mean really, is it worth it?
All the stuff and thoughts and feelings and all the other crap that goes on? Ugh. We have to stop taking ourselves so seriously. Most of what goes on in our minds is so useless and junky. It's so not us. My mother-in-law recently died last February. She had a brain tumor, the size of my fist, and was unhappy most of her life. I still felt comfortable around her because she had lucid moments that I cherish so much. As depressed and scared she was of life, she was still able to be with me. In heart and spirit. The struggles that go on with human beings is universal, and we all have to deal with shit at one time or another. The year up to her death was a nightmare. She wasn't herself at all. Just wanted to be numb. Super disappointed with life. Expectations are so not a good a thing to have. So she freaked a few times, did some nasty stuff. But it never changed the way I felt about her. It wasn't her. And that's exactly what she said to me as soon as she passed on. We were riding back to the home where she was and I heard her CLEARLY - "Forget about the negativity, it's gone. It was never me, so don't even bring it up". In her presence at her bed, it felt like we were in a pool of champagne, I could see the bubbles. It was all about celebration. She was finally at peace.
It was her message to all of us. Negativity is not real. It is not us. We are just hiding from ourselves, that's all. It doesn't change the fact of who you really are.
Just listen, watch, and embrace life. Any of those negative feelings you are having are not you. That's good to know.
Hugs to all,