Andre's Page

I am a young 40 yr old male German.... and please forgive my bad English.

I was born, educated and went to school. I chose nursing as my profession and in my leisure time I dealt with varied things. I rode motorcycle, and as diving-instructor I worked in different locations around the world.

I met a person at age 25, who told me the truth and unveiled my innermost, I found it hard to believe. Yet here I sensed deeply within myself, that it was right. I could no longer silence this inner voice and moreover it became louder. It seemed that behind my friendly façade was an abysmal hell. And so the facade crumbled and I stood there "bloody and naked." I also understood that this façade served the purpose to protect me, because I didn't have the strength to endure my innermost. However now, because I wanted to follow this thread as far as its end and assumed this as life-goal, much was shown me. My only wish was, to transform my own mendacity into love. At that time I had a slight notion that it is somewhat higher and important. I could hardly count the dark hours, and the tears I cried certainly would fill a pool.


I had no love, searched for my self in the world and had for all intend and purpose nothing to give. I was nauseated by my life and felt like a prisoner, in other words, that I had to live out of necessity. A heavy
depression connected itself to this wasteland, which bound me to my bed. I lay here for ¾ of a year. I neither knew in nor out. Everything didn't make any more sense. As a result I looked so miserably on the foundation of my soul and now had to live with it. At times, I didn’t even have the strength to go to the toilet, and if a dear person had not taken care of me, I would not know what I would have turned into. It became increasingly darker around me, and here I cried out for God, that He might come and that I would do everything and would be obedient. He might make something sensible out of me, because I can't. So, I seriously prayed for the first time to an unknown God with all strength which I still had, and experienced relief. Something moved deep in me, and in my darkness I found a light in the inside. I could submit everything to this light, and it answered. However, it reacted only to truth otherwise, it was silent. On hand of this light, I was revived and follow Him since then. It led me deep within me, showed me my hells on the inside, and again I did not come out of my crying and vowed improvement.


A short time later spiritual writings came into the fingers for the first time, and to my amazement I was able to comprehend these. However, the world became more alien to me and seemed as if in the background. I sensed an undreamt-of love in my heart and didn't have any enmity against no one. I also saw the world quite clearly and more obvious, nothing upset me anymore. I began to read from the love-teachings of Jesus and that within the hidden would live a treasure. There was nothing bigger for me than the true light, which I was allowed to find and had subordinated myself too. My chest burned within as I read from this treasure, it was as if this book (the Bible) was written for me. At the time I still associated the Bible directly with church and I was not religious. I didn't want to have anything to do with church and laid the book again aside, and from here on my inner light was silent. So I picked up the book again into my hand about 1 week later and read in it.

I still remember, as if it was yesterday. Jokingly I asked inside me whether God Jesus might be the little light, and it burned so much in my chest, that it threatened to burst. I froze with terror. Nervously I ran up and down in the room and could not believe it. But my chest burned and burned. I fell on my knees and prayed that I was not worthy of it and could not endure to have God in me. Suddenly the whole seriousness became clear to me. From here on it became obvious to me, that the spirit of truth always was on Earth and had a name, "Jesus Christ".

So, eternal Love looked for me in the world, hunted, confronted and made (me) into a new human being.

I died in recognizing my miserable nature and God has accepted me, as He has already done with many people.

Consequently I don't walk my way in a belief, but do what this living Spirit gives me internally and surrender myself, which is not always easy.

Love in Jesus Christ
André