An Oatmeal Cookie, Orange Juice and an encounter with God...

I was ten years old, the eldest of eight children. I grew up poor in the richest county in America in the fifties.(Westchester, NY). My early childhood was filled with the pain of psychological and physical abuse. My earliest memories are recalled in black and white images like in an old newsreel. I was continually told I was stupid, I would not amount to anything, not strong enough, not man enough. I was too sensitive for the harsh realities which I encountered. When they slaughtered a pet pig without warning in front of my eyes I was terrified, traumatized, scarred. The color red dripped profusely from the black and white images of the carnage before my eyes. I sometimes hear those shrieks as if it were yesterday. My father told me I wasn't a man. He beat me senseless on occassion for the flimiest of reasons when he flew into one of his rages.
My only defense was to retreat, to withdraw within an autistic mindset. Every word I uttered and every action I undertook was measured and calculated. I related mainly to the animals and the trees and meadows of the small farm I lived on; only to occassionally interact on the most superficial level with the neighborhood children.
One day I heard a song they were singing. Something about "the joy, joy, joy down in their hearts, down in their hearts to stay." I was amazed that anyone could be so happy. I was intrigued, and began to wonder what that joy was all about. A few weeks later a kindly woman at the end of Taxter Road offered me some money to rake her yard. With trepidation I accepted, not for the money, but because she was kind to me. I remember working exceptionally hard to the point of exhaustion in order to "earn" my pay. I helped her husband clear a large area of underbrush, carrying loads that were frankly to large for a boy my age.
The lady and her husband were impressed by my work ethic and intrigued by my quiet nature. They began to tell me about a man named Jesus who they said loved me, and worked miracles in peoples lives. They invited me to something called Vacation Bible School. With reluctance my mother agreed to letting me go. I was a little scared riding in the backseat of Mrs. Jacobs car as it pulled up to the stone Presbyterian Church in Tarrytown.
As I entered the Church I began to feel a warmth, an unusal peace as I encountered the smiling faces of the staff and other children. It was an exceptionally sunny day and the light streamed througth the stained glass windows. What happened next was simply amazing. They pulled out a felt board and placed brightly colored images of the prophets and biblical figures upon it. They told a beautiful story of love and redemption. They spoke of the "joy" I had been so curious about. I was mesmorized, completely taken with the impact of this visual and auditory experience.
Then a stern looking woman came in to tell her particular story of being shipwrecked while on vacation. She went on to say that after being adrift for several days she was rescued. It was a the point that she was lifted from her lifeboat in the middle of the ocean that she realized, with her feet dangling in the air for several seconds, how helpless she (and all of us) were without God's love. That story has staid with me to this day.
After sometime we were let outside the church into the courtyard. We lined up to recieve a cup of orange juice, and a large oatmeal cookie. Orange juice was relatively new to me, and my grandmother used to spread sugar and wrap it in a piece of white bread as a treat. You get the idea. So I was very happy as I extended my small arm toward the treats. I took a bite of the cookie, and a small sip of the orange juice as I noticed intense yellow light of the sun stream through the tree branches above me, falling upon my face in a warm glowing sensation, as birds chirped softly. My sense of taste was acute and the oatmealness of the cookie and the golden drops of juice which ran down my palate meshed with the brilliant sunlight in an intense acute transcendence, as sight and taste and smell and sound intermingled. For an eternal instant I felt God's love, as He was in me and I was in Him, and together joined forever.

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