If You Don't Know,You Don't Want To Know, What It Feels Like To Lose A Child

Being a strong mother of five beautiful children, my life was cut down on December 29th 1989 to barely living.

I watched as my nineteen year old son lie in a coma for week, and so did I. He was hooked up to a respirator barely breathing so was I?

I tried everything I could to be strong for my family.

The evening of January 5th 1990 my son died and so did a part of me.

It was the worst pain I ever felt in my life. It felt as though someone ripped my heart out, I was run over by a tractor trailer, it felt like someone was standing on my chest and I was gasping for air.

I went from a strong woman to a helpless child, ashamed of what the world would think of me. I didn't want to live, but I knew those four little children that were staring at me needed me.

I felt I had to hide my grief, I had to smile when I was crying inside, I had to stand when I wanted to fall to the ground and scream forever.

I wanted so much to wake up, this be a bad dream, the closing of the casket helped me release this was real, Kenny was dead.

There were mornings I couldn't move a muscle in my body, all I could do was lay there and cry, my body felt so heavy.

Nothing made sense to me anymore. Why did Kenny have to die?

I waited up for him months after his death, wishing he would walk through that door as he did so many times before. I kept his clothes for years, every chance I got I would go to his room and sit on his bed, and take out a shirt and smell it and cry my heart out.


A child murdered is a despicable act, not compared to that of a grieving mother. The pain, the shame, the guilt, the loneliness, the sadness, the anger, the suicidal thoughts, all is too much to bare.

I knew if I was going to ever live again I had to let go and let God. I did on December 29th 2007. I surrendered my son to God, so the both of us could rest in peace.

Kenny was not just my son; he was my best friend in the world. He was such a respectful young man. I will miss him forever.

Love your children, hug you children; I don't want no parent ever feel the pain I felt.

This candle is a symbol of the light, I knew I would see at the end of my journey.

I am thankful for a patience God.
Share

Views: 8

Comment

You need to be a member of iPeace.us to add comments!

Join iPeace.us

Latest Activity

Philip Watling updated their profile
Oct 18, 2019
yosafat widodo liked yosafat widodo's profile
Oct 3, 2019
yosafat widodo liked yosafat widodo's profile
Oct 3, 2019
yosafat widodo shared Marty Strickler's photo on Twitter
Jun 18, 2019
yosafat widodo liked DJ Razee's photo
Jun 18, 2019
LARRY VIGGO liked Kelly-Rene'e's profile
Jun 12, 2019
Anne Marie updated their profile
May 11, 2019
dresswong updated their profile
Apr 30, 2019

© 2020   Created by David Califa. Managed by Eyal Raviv.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service