What I Learned on the '500 Days of Summer' Tour

My favorite moment in all of cinema is when Tom Hansen, the protagonist of 500 Days of Summer, takes a stab at wooing the titular character. After finding out like last Thursday that Summer, too, loves The Smiths (making them soulmates, obvi) he makes a casually calculated move by playing "Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want" at his desk while she walks by. Summer doesn't acknowledge this, leaving Tom to whine to his friends, "It's over." And never has a movie been more honest about the realities of modern courtship. 

Needless to say, I have a grotesque obsession with the film. It's enhanced by an academic fascination with Zooey Deschanel (I was her for Halloween) and a passionate love for Joseph Gordon-Levitt (we're going to get married one day). And since the 2009 indie flick turned five during my vacation in L.A., the very city where it takes place, I decided to go on my very own Star Maps-style 500 Days of Summer anniversary tour, visiting a handful of the film's locations and seeing how they translate in real life. Here's what I learned about love, pop culture, and IKEA.

Reality: Bars are a great place to see your friend’s band in a totally committal setting while confusing the crowd about why you’re on stage in a negligee. 

Tom and Summer first bond at a casual post-work karaoke night in the Redwood Bar and Grill. He sings The Pixies; she sings Nancy Sinatra. They wax philosophical about the existence of love, and it's precious. Now, being in a female-dominated field, co-worker flirtation is not a part of my life. If I want to meet menfolk, it's typically a punk rock show. Wild coincidence, then, that my Brooklyn friends of Sharkmuffin were playing a gig at the Redwood Bar and Grill that very week! Seriously, I still can't believe that happened.

Truthfully, I didn't really flirt, and nobody heard my dying cat rendition of "Sugar Town." But I did use the opportunity to take a picture on that memorable karaoke stage. I feel I look just like Zooey Deschanel if she, you know, had blonde hair. And no bangs. And tan skin. And hazel eyes. And looked nothing like herself. Twinsies. 

Fun fact, the Redwood is also a pirate-themed bar, which feels so right. When I think romance, I think of parrots and scurvy. 

Reality: The morning after is a zombifying, embarrassing experience at best. Being in public is the worst and you just want to go home.

So after JGL finally nabs our dear Summer, there's a memorable scene where all of downtown Los Angeles, in coordinating blue outfits, join him in a synchronized victory dance. This fanfare takes place primarily in front of the Civic Center Mall fountain, and regarding the realness of the location, it's mostly where children go to play. Legally you can dance there, but I think it's frowned upon.

Regarding the realness of the situation though...I can't speak for what men do post-coital, but for ladies, the morning after sex is a sluggish, unpolished venture at best. You have heels in one hand, a giant Metallica T-shirt over a bodycon mini skirt, and hair tossed into a birdnest of a top knot. If you're not self-conscious, maybe you'll be so bold as to pick up a bagel and coffee on the way home, but that's as good as it gets. Nobody's high-fiving you, nobody's shaking your hand, and the cartoon birds are at a minimum.

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Reality: IKEA is a massive, well-dressed warehouse where you and your friend can buy $4 star lamps for her new place. 

Somehow, I've never been to IKEA, and since it was the iconic site of Tom and Summer's first non-date, I had to check it out. Sure enough, the TV didn't work. Neither did the faucets. 

While there, my friend Rachel and I discussed the merits of having a romantic IKEA adventure. Even though we both believed that going to IKEA was definitely an experience, she, being of classier standards, didn't think it constituted a legitimate first date. I, however, thought it was an adorable idea, but that said, my last serious boyfriend used to take me on 1 A.M. Walmart dates. Like, a lot. 

The bench at Angel's Knoll

Expectation: At the end of the day, it’s nice to get some downtime with your significant other, viewing the scenery, creating artworks on each other's arms, making memories that'll last a lifetime.

Reality: Angel’s Knoll is closed off, because convenient and free spots to hang no longer exist. Also love is dead.

Secret? I knew that Angel's Knoll was closed before I came to L.A. The site of Tom and Summer's iconic bench, which is even marked with a commemorative plaque, has actually been fenced off since 2013. But I hoped that through my perseverance there would be some way to see it, some secret entrance, some view of view (parking lot included). Nope. It is inaccessible. 

And that was actually kind of crushing to me. But oh God, that would be such a depressing note to end on! Let me reassure you, despite my expectations not aligning perfectly with the reality, I still do think 500 Days of Summer is a firmly realistic portrayal of modern relathinships. Because for every highly Instagrammed, Facebook-official couple, there's 500 hazy, nebulous "situations," like what Tom and Summer had. That's part of what made the film great. The other part? It challenged the rom-com tropes we're brought up with by pushing the protagonist to find happiness within himself. Which, honestly, is sort of what I was doing on this whole set location tour, after all.

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