RomAmor and Schrodinger's Cat

RomAmor and Schrödinger’s Cat

And my soul already had been here… Long ago with full pride living with my real love, too.

Only I did not realize it before−before I arrived in Rome−Roma, I should say. It was exactly how Schrödinger said it in his famous quantum experiment: “Unless we open the box, we won’t be able to know if the cat is dead or alive. Unless we open the box, there exists two truths: The cat is dead and the cat is alive!” How poor we all were as humans, not to be able to feel but only insisted on our measurable senses and the truth of those measurements. The fact in the world of quantum was so simple: Unless I was in Roma, there existed two truths: I had been here before my arrival and I hadn’t been here before my arrival!” At least for the beginning, I could choose my own truth from any…

The hotel I chose before arriving to Roma through the internet was just in the center by the Pantheon which was supposed to be the oldest hotel in the world. Except for this historical background, why did I choose Pantheon? I would not have known it before my arrival. Did I know why after staying there six days? Well, while writing these lines, I thought I knew. I hope you would know it too, after reading this entire story.

I chose a shuttle service from the airport when I arrived in the morning as it seemed to me the easiest way to my hotel. It was a good choice because everything on the way to my hotel, Albergo del Sole al Pantheon, was so known to my soul, especially the parts of the city closer to the center that I could not hold back my tears. After forty minutes of travel by shuttle and a par favore at the reception of the hotel, I got my room with a great view. From my third floor hotel-room window, I could see the fountain in the middle of the square and the famous Pantheon built by Agrippa, remade by Hadrian after a fire in A.D. 118, and transformed into a church around A.D. 608 by Pope Boniface IV. I stayed briefly in my room after I arrived because even the smallest cells of my body were desperate to go out and conquer Roma; my dear soul knew Roma. So did I.

There are places I remember
All my life, though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places had their moments
With lovers and friends
I can still recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all.

I did not need a map; I already knew where I was going. I was neither afraid of being lost, nor experiencing anything unpleasant. I walked till my legs could not carry me any longer. I did not stop unless I was breathless. I had joy combined with curiosity and something so very known that it was hard to explain.

There were really places I remembered
All my lives, though some had been changed
Some forever not for better
Some had been gone and some remained
All those places had their moments in Roma
With lovers and friends
I hardly could recall
Most of them were dead and few could still have been alive in this life
In my lives I loved them all

I opened the box and the cat was alive. I could not change the truth of that moment: In Roma, I chose to be at home!
Later that day I walked through the door of the Pantheon and experienced the first entrance, with my head-up completely proud, I thought I was the Queen. I could hear the claps of hundreds of ordinary people and the Pantheon made me Great, greater than I really was. I guess that was the reason why humans built those buildings, to feel themselves greater. The Greatness in measure, made the Power more dramatic, almost an illusion. At the Pantheon, I was part of this Greatness; both in measure and in heart. When I left the Pantheon, I thought it could have been great to dance in the middle of the square just by the fountain. Obviously, I underestimated the fact that the box was open!

Next day, I wanted to start my day with a visit to the Castel Sant’Angelo which was on the way to Vatican City. The building was built by the river in A.D. 130 by Emperor Hadrian as a bastion. During my visit, there was an exhibition. I was there at Castel Sant’Angelo, quite early in the morning, but something did not allow me to go in. So I sat outside and asked my heart: Well, dear Roma, tell me why did I choose to be here? Why among so many places you, and why now? I then let myself feel; the air of Roma; the birds around me, the breeze going through my hair, the river and its kind flow, the entire energy in and out of my spine, the whispers of past and the talks of today… I heard a word among many which was the strongest of all: Love…

Well, the box told me Love. So I decided to take Love as my next truth; the truth Roma would bring to my later life!
After that wonderful experience of conciousness, I decided to visit Vatican City. There was a long queue in front of Vatican City, and I realized after waiting for a long time that I could not go in because my dress was sleeveless! Well, instead of buying a scarf to cover my shoulders, I agreed not to go in and sat down for a long while outside Vatican City. It could have been Mekka or Jerusalem, just watching people coming and going and the ones all queued up for entering. I imagined myself as a religious leader and felt Power, anything and all related to pure Power.
Then, I felt desperate and sad, really sad, thinking all about the wars in the world and especially the recent one in the Middle East. Did not we humans need more forgiveness and tolerance toward each other? Were not we all coming from the same origin and One? And did not we deserve a better life with peace?

During my entire trip and surely day and night, something in me was continuously telling me about the box: It was open! It had lots of past memories, the box, and who knew from whichever century they were from, and of course included today’s wishes! Truths of past and thoughts of today. What a celebration it was to go through the next couple of days!

And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more.

Roma and Love… Roma and Amor… RomAmor! My very reason for being here!

The next day I witnessed a wonderful Sunday morning with a great blue sky and as it was the rule, there were no cars on Sundays in the center of Roma. I decided to visit the Palatino. On the way to the Palatino, I wished to feel rain in Roma. And could you believe, once more Schrödinger was right, and all of a sudden the clouds gathered together and we had rain. I was wet under the raindrops but who cared about it? All I felt was the great scent I knew from past, of fresh drops meeting the soil of Roma. But then to be honest, while I was walking through the ancient walls, I felt Pride; pure and delicate Pride! I sat down for a long while at the top of the Palatino overlooking Roma. The history was everywhere: Everything was real and at the same time unreal. Ah, Schrödinger, you and your cat! Real or unreal? I did not know and I could not decide which truth to inhale. There were yellowish-orange houses with greenish-blue fences; everywhere I could see the umbrella like tall pine trees, the half-standing library, museums, the old shopping center further away, the Colleseum…It looked like North Africa, it looked like Europe; it was a mixture of cultures and definitely a magical mixture of totally old and new.

I heard huge crowds screaming with full energy at the Coliseum: “Kill or die, kill or die, kill or die!”

I asked myself, what sort of a feeling it could have been to decide either to kill or die. After two minutes of hesitation and reflection, I decided to die. There existed honour and pride, and power too, in those times of killing, winning!, at the Coliseum, yet I preferred the silent triumph of death instead.There I was not the Queen like how I felt in the Pantheon; I was not a Religious Leader like how I felt by Vatican City. There, at the Palatino, I was me. Whatever or whoever I was, but I was me−me who travelled many, many years through every emotion and experience, who at last reached her own self, the very core of herself and who wanted to complete her being in this life with this conciousness. I thought of every gift I received in those lives, thanking them, too, and I felt me. I felt fine. I felt at home in Roma. Surely, up to that time in my life, no other place in the world gave me this strong feeling which most of the time left me in tears without a reason I could name! I wanted to live there, complete my being there, die there and be buried there! Me and Roma,- I wanted to be there till the end of time. RomAmor! The box was already open and I wished… I knew according to Schrödinger and quantum, whatever I wished, from the moment I wished it, it would have its very truth and it would have been my truth! So wished I!

Amor…Love…

That very evening I decided to ask for some signs from the universe if my feeling was real. First, while walking in the street, I found a bookmark with a painting of Tiziano called Amor sacro e profano. Then I received a wonderful red rose from a lovely little girl; it was exactly what I wished as a sign, and a very kind compliment from the receptionist of the hotel where I stayed.

Later during my trip, I realized more and more that every street of Roma had another secret passion which would satisfy my very womanly soul−I thought of myself as a housewife wonderfully cooking with all sorts of Mediterraenian spices and vegetables and inviting friends. I thought of myself as a business woman, who had international business in the heart of the world; I thought of myself as an academician lecturing about mediation and peace; I thought of myself as a mother proudly raising my children with air of the past toward a peaceful promising future; I thought of myself as a lover continuously flirting and experiencing all sorts of desires; I thought of myself as a writer being a bridge between the past and the future, North and South, East and West.

RomAmor…

Roma had its faces beautifully wrapped by Love. At every beloved corner, I enjoyed Love; I enjoyed being a Woman. In every peaceful part, I whispered my will to meet my real Love again−my soulmate−with whom we already had been traveling a long, long way together. At each romantic square, I wished to recognize that very something of him, a scent, a smile, a look, a touch or a word when we met. At every holy place, I prayed for the perfect circumstances to bring us together and complete our being One on Earth.

Two hearts once
were dreaming of each other
Two hearts once
were understanding each other,
feeling each other,
though not knowing but wishing for each other
until infinity.
Two hearts once,
For One love ,
Met each other while dreaming such
when crying helplessly
by the silent sea

I left my traces all over Roma; my hopeful tears, my kindest smiles, my flowerish scent, my wishful thoughts, my endless giving, my happiest happiness, my soul-to-soul belonging and surely my unconditional love full of delicate pink roses… I wished to complete that very something here in Roma which I could not complete for centuries: My being One…

Two hearts, two lovers, One love…
with their laughing souls
while their hearts and body
were living this unexpected passion
with their entire senses
were One while reaching One.
Two hearts, one love
nowadays,
are having their dreams come true

The days passed one after another, though my favorite places were the same at the end like I decided at the beginning: the Pantheon and the Palatino. I found a great bookstore by Trevi Fountain which had a very pleasant cafe and became my stop for every lunch break. I bought books in Italian and I started learning Italian. I drank Prosecco and Barolo a couple of times, and of course, lots of Brunello di Montalcino, the best I ever had was from the year 1996. I could strongly advise to anyone who would like to celebrate good wine, and through it, an unforgettable sense of being, a glass of Brunello di Montalcino 1996. My favorite food were all types of insalata, tonnarelli cacio e pepe and salmone in guazzetto. Most of the time I let myself be lost in the evenings or during the day, and each time I discovered different ways back to the hotel only by sensing… I met people of all kinds, mostly related to peace like what I worked for, except for one bank manager, Roberto, who was almost 1.90 cm and had lots of humour. I met him at a restaurant while I was spending my last evening of the trip. I was crying while we met, so he asked me why I was crying. I answered him: “I guess, I fell in love with Roma.”

He laughed for several minutes till he had tears in his eyes and said only a woman could have said this. We spent hours together, and it was almost two in the morning when he asked me my favorite song; I answered Woman by Lennon. After hearing that, Roberto stood up and started to sing the song with a funny voice:

Woman I can hardly express,
My mixed emotion at my thoughtlessness,
After all I'm forever in your debt,
And woman I will try express,
My inner feelings and thankfulness,
For showing me the meaning of succsess,
La, la, la, laaaaa….
I love you,
La, la, laaaa…
I love you,
La, la, la….

Then in the middle of the night, we danced in the square of Pantheon. I would always remember him with great appreciation.

My first visit to Roma had a magical start at the Pantheon, the oldest hotel in the world, and a wonderful finish with a dance to my favorite song ever.

Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
In my life I love you more…*
Roma… RomAmor…

And my soul already had been here… Long ago, with full pride living a true love, too.

9th-10th August 2006, Listening to Sogno d’Amore/ Bocelli
* In my life/ the Beatles