My Own Inadequacy

Sometimes I wonder if my ability to put my foot in my own mouth can be matched. Usually after I open my mouth and say something, I have realized too late, that it was the wrong thing to say. I have upset, offended, and alienated people many times through the coarse of my life, because of my inability to recognize the reason for my behavior.

The reason that this occurs, is simply because I feel inadequate. More often then not, I feel like I have to say something funny, or clever in order to be the center of attention. I want to feel liked and accepted. In some ways, my ability to cram my foot in my mouth, is directly related to my need to be liked. It is only recently that I have begun to realize this quality in myself.

I have found that many of the negative attributes we have, are directly related to our feelings of inadequacy. Because so often we don’t feel good enough, we find ourselves going out of our way to prove ourselves to someone.

Even if we succeed, even if we do prove ourselves to the desired party, what have we really gained? In fact, in some ways we have taken a step backwards.

I spend a lot of time examining myself, and the way I think, but sometimes it is hard to see some of your flaws that are only obvious to those who stand outside of you. That is why for all the times I have said, turn inward, you must always be attentive to the impact of your actions on the external level.

Of coarse by paying attention to your words, and actions, you must trace them back to the source, which are your thoughts. We cannot escape the fact, that our internal mental life, and our external experiential world, are directly related.

In my own case, I must now pay close attention to my words. I must focus to decide if what I am saying is to impress others out of my own feeling of inadequacy, or if it something that truly comes from the place of stillness that lives inside of me.

I feel that it is important be critical of your thoughts, emotions, and words at all times if possible. The more honest you can be about your own flaws, the more opportunity you have to improve on them. If we only hide our flaws in shame, how can we ever hope to be ok with ourselves?

Since the New Year is rapidly approaching, perhaps it would be a good time to take an honest look at your own flaws and make a resolution to work on it over the coarse of 2009.