What triggered my personal spiritual journey?

Let me tell you about how I got started on this path. I always had a curiosity for what we can’t see ever since I was a child, in fact I used to ask some pretty deep questions for example when I was 5, I asked my Mother “well if there is “God” then how was God created? It was then that I realized that parents don’t know everything lol. I grew up an only child and I never saw ghosts or had imaginary friends, but I did have a close emotional bond with animals. So much so that I worked with horses for 14 years, as I didn’t want to be locked in an office like a caged animal, and I learned over time that animals are indeed very healing to be around.

I was kicked out of home at 16 by a physically and emotionally abusive Step Father and a powerless but very loving Mother suffering from Bi Polar Disorder afraid to stand up to him. I take it as a blessing as I would have become a mess if I had stayed in that destructive and volatile family situation. I went to live in Sweden on exchange at age 18 to work with horses over there and live with a Swedish family. This experience brought me independence, expanded my awareness for living in different environments and cultures, having no need to own material things, I just learned to be in the moment and appreciate my surroundings and people.

I backpacked around Europe and have been to 19 countries since then. There’s something liberating about being free, in the now, reliant on yourself and it teaches you to read and trust people, listen to your intuition and build great friendships. I came back to Australia only to lose my Mother to suicide. She drove off a cliff on Australia’s famous "Great Ocean Road" the following year when I was19, coincidence or not my Mother had me when she was 19.

This experience changed me forever, initially it was severe depression and a hard slog to get back on my feet and put into practice what I learned the previous year. It was almost like she waited until I was independent and on my feet before she left. On the morning she left, I knew she had gone for good as her car was gone and she had left her watch, wallet and a suicide letter outside my bedroom door. It was then that I looked into her room and saw her old 1970’s alarm clock that we grew up with, that was the first time I saw 11:11, and the alarm went off and then died never to work again. I believed this to be my Mother communicating with me and the time she died.

I have been seeing 11:11 since the death of my Mother in 1994, I thought this was the time she died and was her saying her little hello. I now realize it may be something else. I found other people were seeing this 11:11 phenomena and seemed to be an awakener or a wake up call or some kind. So my real spiritual journey began from the time I saw my first 11:11 on that devastating day. Like an activation, it set me on a path of searching for my purpose, a real kick in the guts and a real opportunity at the same time.

I continued to work with horses after her death and I owe most of my emotional healing to horses, not people, antidepressants or counseling. I still have a close respect and bond with this big animal with the gentle playful heart and always will. 11:11 became my guide to helping me recognize I was on the right path or doing the right thing throughout my life and still does to this day, whether its my Mother or other cosmic beings it doesn’t really matter. Going through the emotional process of losing everything that meant anything to me, stripped me bare and it did take courage to delve into my emotions and listen to them but I kept learning and listening until I could read and pick up on others energy and reading them without talking to them. I knew I could do this with the horses and was very good at calming them down or knowing what they were about to do, but it took me a while before I realized that the emotions that I was experiencing were not all mine. So I read many books on intuition, personal growth, sensing others energies and spiritual experiences to learn how to utilize what I could sense without taking their energy on board and claiming it as my own.

Always knowing I am a sensitive person I decided to instead of see this as a disadvantage in social situations, I started to work with it to help people with the issues they felt a need to resolve. I also use it now to know who is in a higher vibration and who is in a lower vibration and decide whether I need to be around higher vibrations to expand, or to help people raise their vibrations that are vibrating lower. It's up to them whether or not they take it on board, either way there is no judgment, just presence and freedom of emotional expression, which translates to me and loving compassion. I practiced this over the years but was still searching for my own validations on the greater universe and my purpose, this was always at the back of my mind for many years, and I continued to let 11:11 guide me in my journey to where I am now.

In 2007 I settled down got married to a wonderful, sensitive man and had my first beautiful child all within 2 years. Big jolt for a 'modern day gypsy' used to her freedom, moving around travelling the world and totally independent and responsible for self. Lucky me I was diagnosed with post natal depression after having my baby, well that was the label I was given by the health professionals. This little journey really triggered my path once again through looking for ways to adjust to what I felt as suddenly having my independence and freedom stripped from me. I did not have depression as such as I experienced that after the loss of my Mother and that was very different to what I was experiencing which was total utter claustrophobia and deep seated fear of losing all of what I had gained to be independent and free. My husband, family and health professionals wanted me to use antidepressants, I flat refused and flushed them down the toilet. I wanted to tackle my emotions head on, I knew it would be a painful journey but I wanted to learn and grow from it, not suppress or dull down what I had learned to listen to which was my emotional body.

So instead of taking those mentioned traditional methods of dealing with uncomfortable emotions, I discovered a method called EFT (emotional freedom technique) or “tapping technique" which helped me tremendously and I would definitely recommend it to anyone wanting to take an alternative approach to dealing with emotional pain and or fears. This EFT was a key tool for me in assisting me to get though my emotional turmoil, and I learned a lot about myself and my inner strength along the way. If you want to learn about EFT I would definitely recommend that you go visit Kathy Atkinson’s site as she helps you learn EFT for yourself. ~ Kathy Atkinsons EFT.Once you learn this technique you can use it anywhere on your own at no extra cost, not like you would if you saw an EFT practitioner long term.

I also came across a book written by Eckhart Tolle called ‘A New Earth’. This book changed my life! It gave me the tools to let go and sit with my emotions, get out of my mind and just ‘be’ and feel which I was good at lol. The previous fears of wanting an uncomfortable emotion to pass quickly, soon faded with the education I learned from this book, and I found a strong peace and strength within myself after reading and practicing being in the present moment. The 11:11 sightings were rampant during that time which was my interpretation to being ‘Yes! Keep doing this you’re on the right path’. I still don’t like experiencing emotional pain but it’s a necessary and important facilitator for change, well for me anyway. Without these uncomfortable triggers, I believe we would stagnate and not grow, we are here to experience and grow so I embrace and accept change. It helps one to become strong, compassionate and secure in the self, not reliant on others to make you feel better, or needing material things to feel secure and confident, or drowning your natural emotions with pharmaceuticals. I purchased Eckhart's book A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose. These two methods helped me so greatly in my growth and I always recommend them to anyone going through emotional turmoil wanting to self heal.

"Where ever you are, be there Totally."
~ Eckhart Tolle ~

A few years ago I heard that my Step Father had also suicided in our old family home, although he was an abusive Father to me growing up, I felt a huge burst of compassion for him and felt sad that both him and my Mother had not been able to face their emotional demons. I feel a strong urge to help others grow through their pain, as I believe our current standard of dealing with peoples uncomfortable emotions is to suppress them with drugs or just not talk about it, especially for men. We tend to value coming from the mind over coming from the heart in our mentally shaped society, and we can learn a lot from listening to our emotional body with an open heart, it always has a message and provides an opportunity for personal and spiritual growth.

So my spiritual journey so far has not been about channeling or seeing ghosts and the like, but more about accepting the true self by living from the heart, mastering sensing energies and the emotional body to be able to be there for others to release their pain and fears to promote growth. I am confident that after all my tricky life experiences to date, there are definitely guiding forces or beings that we may not be able to see with our eyes, but can most certainly feel, and tapping into others energies has shown me that we are definitely all connected and come from the one source, call it love, God, all that is, it doesn’t matter the name. I believe we are beings having a human experience, and we are all on different levels of awareness and paths, but essentially we are all energy and energy is eternal, it can be directed to different spaces and can change form, but it can never die. We are so much more than our body, and I really do believe we are here to be able to experience heaven on earth. Now in the present moment is no better time to release negative patterns so we can grow spiritually, regardless of the possibility of ascending in 2012 or not, I see that as more of a deadline for change to put a bit of pressure on ourselves.
Our cycle of forgetfulness in knowing this is nearing its end, and we are waking up from our amnesia to remember that we are loving emotional energetic beings, and creators from the heart not from the mind.

May we recognize this in our now moment. Love Carly.

~ Rest in Peace Mum/best friend/soul mate,
I love you ~ 1955 - 1994.

Carly @ SpiritofAwareness.