He....

I am somewhat, just you know, that feeling of what the heck just happened?
I think personally I am loosing it..I was fine this morning when I woke up..I wanted to do something just for me today..I laid in comfort thinking...Just then....

The thoughts of Noooo, flooded... I NEED to do this,or do I need to do that????..get those coins to the machine and get them in cold hard cash..Christmas is days away.I need to shop..do something... Then I get all jittery inside..The phone rings..It's news that my husbands grandmother is in the hosptial..She is 87 almost 88..Christmas day matter of fact..
My heart starts pounding...my insides are already jittery..Right, I did say jittery I am on the verge of remembering Ralph the toliet god..and I haven't had a drink of alcohol in so long..No I am not a alcoholic..my husband is..bless his sober heart..5 years now..I laughingly think a shot of tequila would do me good when I get like that..
Why am I all jittery? When this happens I should just sit down somewhere and focus..go to my happy place..Where is that I think sometimes..Then I remember..

I talk to myself in the third person.. I know by now ya'll think I am totally nuts..
Digress to sip water **continue**
You know I really think it would be better if I just sat down..started my breathing, inhalin,release..think of that stream,those flying doves...The rainbow..ERRRR,something..

I am not allowed that time,just in a pinch like that..I get this way when I am instrewed in several tasks at one time..Or alot of emotion is involed..A lot of folks have that to do that I think..why is it so different for me now..It use to be easy to handle all that at once..When I was younger..
I blew an attitude today..Just when I was doing so well..Uhhh..I LOST IT~Totally.

Ok...

The perfect thing about being human IS.......

I can have a better day tomorrow.

After my melt down..
I pulled my truck over..I thought about how I spoke to my husband..I hang my head in gratitude

He comforts me.
He nourish's my soul and body
He is always there when I need him..
He reminds me of our history together
He sits with me and holds my hand.
He strokes my hair.
Tomorrow he may not be there.