Disarming Your Opponent

“Convince your enemy that he will gain very little by attacking you. This will diminish his enthusiasm.” From the book, “A Warrior of Light” by Paulo Coelho

To disarm one’s opponent before a situation can escalate into violence is a powerful principle of non-violence. This principle is very effective and we are familiar with those who applied this technique. Gandhi, for example, showed that if a man beats you and you continue to get up without striking back, you would naturally inspire compassion in the other human being.

This doesn’t mean we should look around for an opportunity to be beaten in order to inspire compassion in our fellow man, but that there may be times when one does not fight back. Instead, one may try to redirect the conflict.

This type of technique, like any other, is something that must be developed over time. Each situation that we face adversity must be addressed differently. Disarming your opponent can be as simple as given someone kind words when they are very angry with you. Or it can be simply silence when someone is yelling at you. But it does require stepping out of the normal conflict situation and trying to find a positive solution.

Years ago I had a personal experience with this. I had just taken the first steps down my spiritual path. I had been reading the words of Gandhi, who spoke of non-violence, and spending many hours in meditation trying to cultivate that spirit inside myself. At one point I arrived at a conflict.

Through my own fault and flaws, I had angered a man. I was dating his sister and causing a great deal of strife in his family because of it. He had every right to be mad at me, and I think a part of me knew that somehow. He threatened to “kick my ass”, but for some reason, instead of responding in violence, something in me shifted.

In response to his words, I said, “I love you”. Immediately his anger changed into utter confusion. Thinking back on this now it makes me chuckle at his great bewilderment. He raised his fist to hit me, and I told him, “You can hit me, I won’t fight back. But ask yourself, what will this accomplish?” Another flash of anger filled his eyes, and then he stormed off yelling that I was some kind of crazy hippy. Though the relationship did not last long, I was able to make peace with him later and we were able to have peaceful discussions.

I must honestly admit however, that the kind of clarity in disarming my opponent that night was something I have rarely experienced in my life. However, every single time that I have used this to disarm people, the end result was much better then when I have resorted to violence or harsh words.

I think what Gandhi taught was even more powerful then most of us know. There is so much opportunity here to shift those who would be enemies into those who would be friends. At the very least, enemies can become neutral, instead of an opponent or obstacle.

Gandhi showed that this method could achieve great things. In fact he believed that this method was more powerful then violence could ever be. I think her was right. The fact that he helped India achieve independence, while creating a positive relationship between their oppressors, the British, shows that this method can help create lasting positive situations.

The next time you are arguing with someone else, try to keep this principle in mind. This can be especially powerful for a conflict that is constantly reoccurring. If you can shift your thinking, sometimes the other persons thinking will shift as well. Even if you just simply confuse the person as I did, the incident will be on their mind, and they will be forced to reevaluate the entire situation.

In this way you can open the door for solving conflict peacefully and to the great benefit of all parties involved.