if our life goal is to lead a proud,
productive and successful life,
and minimize regrets at the
moment of our passing,
love, balance, tolerance,
honesty, forgiveness,
and patience are tools
we need.


a hurt upsets our
moral balance.
it places a burden
on the receptor, the person hurt,
and on
the instigator, the person causing the hurt.
it IS regardless of
the relationship
or the physical or
mental nature of the upset.


to need an apology
there must be a hurt.
the instigator
is burdened by a need for an apology ritual.
it begins
in the heart of the instigator
with the desire not to repeat the hurt.
a sincere, honest, face-to-face expression of regret
for the hurt
must be made.
it frees the heart of the instigator,
but not the heart of the receptor.


to need forgiveness
there must be a hurt.
the receptor
is burdened by a need for
a forgiveness ritual.
it begins
in the heart of the receptor
with an understanding of the how and why
of the the hurt
from the instigator’s perspective.
a sincere, honest, face-to-face
expression of forgiveness
must be made
it frees the heart of the receptor
but not the heart of the instigator

false mask is donned when
an apology ritual
or a forgiveness ritual
is executed without sincerity
it only fools the false giver
the imbalance is increased

with apology and forgiveness
rituals complete,
a relationship is free to grow
all thoughts of revenge, anger,
or distrust, must melt into
an honest understanding of the
other’s perspective

simple in concept
complex in execution
painful when denied
healing when complete.

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Comment by Patriciainsweden on February 13, 2009 at 3:55pm
Yes Magikat and PapaED!

I keep on struggling..and wondering ..isn´t more than enough to forgive that person who hurt you..but is also a must to keep him/her among your friends?...if that person insist on being your friend and keeps on chasing you to become the friend he/her was before but you just want to follow your star and leave that person behind...then comes the question..searching for wholeness... I do believe that we all belong together...but should we embrace the whole world and its inhabitants ..what about socio paths?
Psychopaths..when we happen to get under their control?

How can we then apply all our moral an ethical principles?..who are we to judge?...but then again!

Should these people just come into our lives and manipulate and destroy and there we are..left as half or less that that human beings..with no one to blame but Genetic?

From one who has been there!
Comment by magikat on November 21, 2008 at 6:52pm
Ah, yes, but do you connect forgiveness to forgetting? Sometimes one can acknowledge the regret in the perpetrator, but still feel the hurt. Is that still forgiveness? Yes, these are issues with which I have been struggling, obviously. . .
I love the way you put things, PapaEd. May peace and joy shine on your head, heart and hands.

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